Monday Vent - Shaking My Head

I have always been a hard working person who doesn't like to let people down. I take on more than I should and I deliver on promises. I put a certain amount of pressure on myself to keep a certain standard.

And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.

My kids are good. They listen. They work hard. They don't expect hand outs. They save their money for things they want. They are well adjusted and well liked.

And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.

Grandparents on both sides have taken it upon themselves to comment how great my boys are. They acknowledge that my husband and I are good parents. They say how wonderful of a job we've done.

And some day, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.

I'm wondering WHY their cousins, on BOTH sides, are treated SO much differently than my kids are. Family that goes out of their way to say "everyone is being treated equally" are SO obviously NOT.

I have gotten used to being in that position. I'm the one who gets overlooked so that my "poor brother" can be helped. My husband grew up with a sick brother and a little sister and was overlooked as well.

We don't like it. We would also never ask for a handout like our siblings are just presented with. Every time I hear "poor them" I want to scream "what about us?" We are in the SAME boat! You MUST KNOW that! Is it because we are not whining and crying about it? Is it because we wipe up the crap and move on?

And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.

Today is one of those days.

My kids have come to accept that their cousins on my husband's side are lavished with gifts. Multiple game systems, toys, etc. seem to rain upon them. Christmas leaves my boys saying "Did you see how much STUFF they got?" It was overwhelming for the cousins to get through all of the unwrapping.

I have come to accept, but choose to keep it to myself that my kids' cousins on my side are treated a bit differently by my parents. Swim lessons are paid for, art lessons are paid for, and there are little shopping trips for the kids without mine. I tell myself "it is no big deal" and then quietly wish they would offer to pay for swim lessons so we could afford to have my kids to take them too.

And now today, the straw that started this post. My father, while having good intentions in his effort to make my nephew's life a little better, has overlooked my boys, AGAIN.

True, my brother is an idiot. True, my brother doesn't treat his kids the way we think he should. True, my nephew doesn't have many friends. True, that I have done all I can to make my nephew's life a bit better too.

Bottom line is this. I won't be able to hide the preferential treatment from my boys this time. Up until now, they thought that at least MY parents treated them equally.

I DON'T WANT my boys to feel all of the feelings I'm feeling! Hurt, angry, jealous, petty, disappointed, less important, confused and then back to the beginning of the list.

I know that someone will say "Well, life isn't fair and this is helping them grow into strong individuals." To that I say "Screw you!"

And now, are you left shaking your head wondering why?

Because, when I want to get completely cynical about this, I see it this way:

"If I'm an idiot that does stupid things, doesn't have my shit together, can't seem to get my kids dressed and out of the house, get overwhelmed by every little thing, cry and complain about how the world is treating me so terribly, act pathetically, don't listen, am not motivated, sponge off of parents as an adult, and don't raise my children well... THEN both me and my children will benefit. People will expect little or nothing from me. I will never be able to let anyone down. I will never have to worry about anyone else but myself. People will just hand me things without me having to work for it and I will learn to expect things to be that way always. I will be liberated from responsibility and clueless to the world of hard work and perseverance."

Would I want to trade places with either side of the family? No. But, at times, it sure doesn't feel good being here either.

Tonight, I will hug my boys a couple of extra times. Try to be the "bigger person" and explain to them what is going on. I know they will be able to handle it, I just don't want them to have to.

Perhaps we will shake our heads together.

=J

Bright Side Friday - Happy Families

My husband and I often lament over the fact that time goes too fast and that our boys are getting big so quickly.  I know this is universal.  We did realize that unless we were actually doing more outside the home that when we looked back on the years, we would see a bunch of wasted time.  We do tend to be home-bodies, but we are trying to change that. 

We have now made a few additions to our schedule:  our older son is now in Cub Scouts and the younger one is eager to join in 6 months when he'll be old enough, the boys are in weekly swim lessons, we have gone rock-climbing, and we have gone swimming on the weekends.  So far, we have been out of the house a lot more.  There are days/nights that we just want to stay home, but once we get out, we have been happy that we went.  It's the old adage of a body in motion stays in motion. 

I hope we are able to keep up the momentum as it gets colder and more challenging to leave the house after a long day.  I know the boys really enjoy it and we are spending a lot more family time together instead of in the house all doing our own thing. It's actually how I always envisioned my family would be.  I'm just so happy that we're making it happen!

S-)

Now it's your turn. What is your Bright Side? Have you had family resistance to leaving the house and then all being happy you did?

Bright-Side Thursday Night

My bright side Friday occurred on Thursday night.  I was watching a show on TV in my bedroom.  There were only a few minutes left and one of my boys climbed up on the bed.  I told him he could sit with me only if he didn’t talk so I could hear the end of the show.  It was just before bedtime for the boys.  Moments later, my other son climbed up, and then my husband joined us.  It turned into a tickling, giggling, hugging, kissing time. It was great.  The thought crossed my mind that this is one of those moments that I will look back on again and again as long as I live.  Having my family all together, healthy, happy, laughing, and just enjoying being together is an amazing blessing and a wonderful memory to carry with me.
S -)

Bright Side Friday! Florida Fun

My Bright Side Friday has to do with Florida. My parents brought our entire family and cousins to Florida 8 years ago. It has been on my mind the past few years, thinking about how fun that was, and how young my sons were when we went. Finances have not been such for us to take my sons back. I was wishing there were a way to take them back, before they get past the "magical" age of the parks there. My dad surprised us with a trip back there this summer. I was really excited and thankful. Even though I had to cut my trip short, because of work, my sons were able to stay and continue their fun with grandparents and cousins. In fact, they come home tomorrow, so hubby and I will have a chance for date night tonight too! =)

Now it's your turn. What is your bright side?

=J

p.s. The photo is of my sons waiting to board the plane for Florida. I wish I could have heard all of the excitement going on in their heads.

Monday (Vacation) Vent

We just returned from our vacation, camping with our two young boys.  If anyone asks me how it was, I will, of course, tell them it was a lot of fun.  I would be lying through my teeth.  The truth is, I have not had a relaxing, fun vacation yet as a mother.  I think vacations with young children and husbands are only actually fun in retrospect.  In the moment, I am dealing with trying to appease all of them at the same time, which is rarely possible.  The only thing my husband wanted to do was fish.  The only thing my boys wanted to do was go to the pool.  Not that anyone was interested, but the only thing I really wanted was some peace and quiet and to read a good book and go for long walks.  As it turned out, the boys and I were in the pool every day for a few hours, made arts and crafts, and played at a park.  My husband fished every day for most of the day.  I guess it was a successful trip since they are all happy about it.  Now I want to go take a trip with my girlfriends!!!


S-)

Monday Vent-Bogey Man

It is Monday morning and I am exhausted and in need of uninterrupted sleep.  My husband had a momentary lapse of judgment and allowed our two young boys to watch a part of “The War of the Worlds” right before bedtime. Luckily for them, it was a part where there is a lot of screaming, running, and the aliens suck up people and dissolve their remains into liquid.  If you haven’t seen it, let me assure you it is quite horrifying.  Now, these two boys had nightmares when he had another lapse of judgment last summer and let them watch him playing a video game involving zombies chasing people through a forest.  Those nightmares lasted a few days and they still talk about it.   Although they are typically good little sleepers, they were sobbing and scared when I called them upstairs.  It became apparent that they would not go to their own beds so I allowed them to come into our bed, just to stop the crying.  My husband can sleep through anything, but, unfortunately, two little extra bodies kicking and rolling around kept waking me up, although I’m not actually sure I fell asleep.  I put them back in their own beds around midnight, but one returned by 2:00 a.m.  So, here we are at 5 in the morning and I have to get moving, yet all I want to do is go back to bed.  Thanks honey!!!

Now it's your turn! Come on, you know it will make you feel better!

S-)

Mommy, why do chains and whips excite her?

 

“Sticks and stones can break my bones, but chains and whips excite me” That’s what I get for giving contemporary music a listen with my 5 & 7 year old. I typically listen to Christian music. I know that may sound dorky, but I really like it and it is good music. It is also refreshing to have the radio on and not have to be concerned about what my child will hear. “Mommy, why do chains and whips excite her?” “I think because they’re shiny, hey, look at that airplane!!” What happened to the dance music of the 80s and 90s that you could belt out without offending anyone? Yes, I know my mother raised her eyebrows at Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”. Oh, wait a minute, that doesn’t exactly support my case. Well, fine, I guess it has always been a bad influence on young minds. My line is apparently drawn at S&M and I must be getting old and crabby. On second thought, it did have a nice beat to it. 

S-)

Image borrowed from: BludOgre at http://photobucket.com/images/whips and chains/

Bright Side Friday!

Friday is here! The weekend is upon us. I just got my son back from a 5 day trip he took to visit with a buddy (that moved away before they both turned 4). Those two get together and laugh it up as if they were never apart. It is amazing to both me and the other boy's mom. I'm glad to have him back home, and happy to know I raised such a sweet and confident boy. It was also nice to have some 1 on 1 time with my other son for a few days. I hope that both of my boys keep at least some of their kind ways into their teenage years.

So now for my bright side: It's days like these that make me reflect upon the job I have done so far, as a mother, and realize that perhaps I haven't screwed things up too badly, because I have 2 really great kids. =)

Now it's your turn. Share your Bright Side. I'd love to add to this positive energy!

=J

p.s. This is a photo of them several years ago. In my heart, I always picture them this big. =)