Monday Vent - Shaking My Head

I have always been a hard working person who doesn't like to let people down. I take on more than I should and I deliver on promises. I put a certain amount of pressure on myself to keep a certain standard.

And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.

My kids are good. They listen. They work hard. They don't expect hand outs. They save their money for things they want. They are well adjusted and well liked.

And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.

Grandparents on both sides have taken it upon themselves to comment how great my boys are. They acknowledge that my husband and I are good parents. They say how wonderful of a job we've done.

And some day, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.

I'm wondering WHY their cousins, on BOTH sides, are treated SO much differently than my kids are. Family that goes out of their way to say "everyone is being treated equally" are SO obviously NOT.

I have gotten used to being in that position. I'm the one who gets overlooked so that my "poor brother" can be helped. My husband grew up with a sick brother and a little sister and was overlooked as well.

We don't like it. We would also never ask for a handout like our siblings are just presented with. Every time I hear "poor them" I want to scream "what about us?" We are in the SAME boat! You MUST KNOW that! Is it because we are not whining and crying about it? Is it because we wipe up the crap and move on?

And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.

Today is one of those days.

My kids have come to accept that their cousins on my husband's side are lavished with gifts. Multiple game systems, toys, etc. seem to rain upon them. Christmas leaves my boys saying "Did you see how much STUFF they got?" It was overwhelming for the cousins to get through all of the unwrapping.

I have come to accept, but choose to keep it to myself that my kids' cousins on my side are treated a bit differently by my parents. Swim lessons are paid for, art lessons are paid for, and there are little shopping trips for the kids without mine. I tell myself "it is no big deal" and then quietly wish they would offer to pay for swim lessons so we could afford to have my kids to take them too.

And now today, the straw that started this post. My father, while having good intentions in his effort to make my nephew's life a little better, has overlooked my boys, AGAIN.

True, my brother is an idiot. True, my brother doesn't treat his kids the way we think he should. True, my nephew doesn't have many friends. True, that I have done all I can to make my nephew's life a bit better too.

Bottom line is this. I won't be able to hide the preferential treatment from my boys this time. Up until now, they thought that at least MY parents treated them equally.

I DON'T WANT my boys to feel all of the feelings I'm feeling! Hurt, angry, jealous, petty, disappointed, less important, confused and then back to the beginning of the list.

I know that someone will say "Well, life isn't fair and this is helping them grow into strong individuals." To that I say "Screw you!"

And now, are you left shaking your head wondering why?

Because, when I want to get completely cynical about this, I see it this way:

"If I'm an idiot that does stupid things, doesn't have my shit together, can't seem to get my kids dressed and out of the house, get overwhelmed by every little thing, cry and complain about how the world is treating me so terribly, act pathetically, don't listen, am not motivated, sponge off of parents as an adult, and don't raise my children well... THEN both me and my children will benefit. People will expect little or nothing from me. I will never be able to let anyone down. I will never have to worry about anyone else but myself. People will just hand me things without me having to work for it and I will learn to expect things to be that way always. I will be liberated from responsibility and clueless to the world of hard work and perseverance."

Would I want to trade places with either side of the family? No. But, at times, it sure doesn't feel good being here either.

Tonight, I will hug my boys a couple of extra times. Try to be the "bigger person" and explain to them what is going on. I know they will be able to handle it, I just don't want them to have to.

Perhaps we will shake our heads together.

=J

Monday Vent - A Mother's Quandary

To Pee or Not To Pee... Right THERE!

Picture this:  it's the middle of the night and I was asleep.  A light went on in the hallway and it took me a moment to get up and investigate.  I walk into the light, and there is my 5 year old, with his pants down, urinating on a step-stool in the corner. 

I know that he is sleep-walking (or sleep-peeing in this moment).  I am stuck in a quandary. I have three choices: Do I pick him up to move him to the bathroom which is literally three feet away from where he is standing?  Do I attempt to wake him up so he stops peeing and then get him into the bathroom?  Or, do I just let him finish his business and keep the mess confined to one area.  No matter what, I have a mess to clean up. 

If I move him, he will spray over a larger area of wall and carpet.  If I wake him up, he is likely to begin crying uncontrollably and be scared/disoriented which has happened before.  If I let him finish, I am fighting against my instinct to stop this child from treating the carpet/stepstool/wall as if it were a urinal.  And the choice was................. 

I let him finish.  I then cleaned him up and put him into dry pajamas and led him back to bed.  He never woke up.  I started the clean up and then realized I never had him wash his hands.  Technically, he didn't "use" the bathroom, so, other than pulling his pants down, his hands weren't actually dirty...right? 

I sure hope no one's keeping score on my skills as a mother!!!

S-)

Monday Vent - Self Absorbed Sibling

Before I get into my first vent of the year, I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year! Hope 2012 brings you great things.

Now for my vent...

My mother's birthday is on January 1st. EVERY year, my mom invites us all over for a wonderful and "holiday" worthy meal to celebrate the New Year and her birthday. Just as it is with Thanksgiving or Christmas, I make sure that my kids and I are over at her house early to help set the tables, prepare food and clean up messes as they are made.

My brother and his family show up in time to eat.

Now, before I get too catty, they do contribute. Their contribution is mixing the rolls at their house. Then they show up at my mom's house to cook them. Honestly, with the crap conversations that come out of their mouths, they are also giving us a break both auditorily and mentally by showing up late.

This year my mom called over to their house at noon to see if they were making the rolls, and she woke them up! My SIL response was "We were up late". NO KIDDING? New Year's Eve was last night and you were up late? We ALL WERE UP LATE YOU DIPSH*T! Even MOM, whose birthday is TODAY was up late, and you can't think beyond yourself enough to get your ARSE OUT OF BED to come help prepare the meal or set the table!?! I mean, I know it meant nothing to you that she had hip replacement surgery 2 weeks before Thanksgiving this year, because you didn't show up early to help, and Christmas was the same story, but not even on HER BIRTHDAY???

They showed up at 2:00. The exact time my mom normally serves the fancier meals. Help was offered by both my brother and SIL when they walked in. They each did that 1 thing and then disappeared. That's when my mom and I started pouring wine into our coffee cups.

As the night went on, I would just randomly give jobs to the two of them even if there was no reason why I couldn't do it. It made me feel a bit better, or maybe it was just the wine.

I can't understand how people can be so clueless and self absorbed. I don't think they are trying to be malicious, but how can anyone be so ignorant?

Hope none of you have people like that in your lives. If you do, please share your story and possible tips to deal with them. I know there is no changing them!

Monday Vent - The Kitchen Sponge

Yes, today's vent REALLY IS about the kitchen sponge. Not so much about the kitchen sponge, as where I find it, REPEATEDLY.

 For you to fully understand, I will have to share with you my disgust of kitchen sponges. Kitchen sponges, to me, are just playgrounds for germs and bacteria. They gross me out to no end. I use a brush to hand wash things or even a paper towel that then gets thrown away (I know. Not exactly green of me.)

My husband LOVES the kitchen sponge. He will use it on ANYTHING. He will wipe off the counter top and then go right to the cook top. I have seen him use it on dishes and the garbage can. (Hold on... I'm gagging...)

Once he is done using the kitchen sponge, he then throws it into the sink. No rinse. No wringing. No setting in on the edge of the sink so it can dry. Nope. It sits in the sink while cups are rinsed, hands are washed, and dog bowls are filled. That kitchen sponge sits in the bottom of the sink just waiting to be picked up again so a couple squirts of dish soap can be squirted on it and contaminate wash the next thing. (dry heave)

I have tried to discourage the use of the kitchen sponge many times. I hid the kitchen sponge, and my husband found it. I didn't buy new ones, he bought replacements.

I then thought I would at least try to keep the sponge out of the sink. Repeatedly I pulled out the sponge, rinsed it, squeezed the extra water out of it and set it on edge to dry. Certainly if my husband finds the sponge this way enough times he will return it to that position, right? Nope. I thought that perhaps my husband, being the gadget guy that he his, just needed a place to put it and THAT'S why he always throws it in the sink. (Side note: there is a hidden ledge on the front side of our sink that he COULD put the sponge in already. In fact that's where I put the kitchen scrub brush, but I digress.) So, while out shopping, I found a double sided sponge holder. It looks like a saddle and hangs on the cross bar between our two sinks. PERFECT and EASY place to put the kitchen sponge. I point out to my husband the new purchase and promptly place the kitchen sponge in it.

Do I even NEED to tell you where I STILL find the kitchen sponge? This is one of those battles that I will never win. I refuse to fight with him about it, and as gross as I think it is, we have never gotten sick because of it (that I am aware of). Full disclosure: whenever I see plates or silverware that he washed drying on the counter, I put them in the dishwasher when he isn't looking.

This is one of those things that I know will not go away. I try to not focus on it. However, if one day, you see a news headline that reads "Woman Goes Crazy Mumbling About Her Kitchen Sponge" you will know it is me.

=J

Have a similar situation at your house?

Monday Vent - The Pressure of Helping

The holidays are fast approaching and I am starting to realize how unprepared I am. I am thinking about how I can gear up and knock out all of my "to do" list. The problem? I also have my mom's "to do" list. She went in for  replacement hip surgery 1 1/2 weeks ago. She is recovering beautifully, but... she still needs a ton of help. I don't mind doing it, really I don't. I love my mom and I know that I'm the only one that can do some of these things the way she wants them done. My brother makes her crazy with his own agenda and arguing with her about what she needs or doesn't need. JUST DO IT! She wants fabric deodorizer in the wash with her towels? THEN JUST DO IT! Nope. Not him. He argues with her that it doesn't need it and moves on.

I don't ask my dad, because my mom and dad are directly connected by emotional well being. If my dad thinks my mom is doing well, then he's happy. If my mom thinks my dad is happy, then she's happy. Keeping my dad out of it makes everything to him seem like it's going easier for my mom. Doing things for my mom, keeps my mom mentally happy and hence my dad too.

So I know, I could say "no" to her. But I just can't. I know that I will be purchasing all of her Thanksgiving Day food for her and getting it into her house. I will probably prepare of bunch of it too. I know, I SHOULD anyways. Why should she do the bulk of the work year after year? Even if she is able bodied enough to prepare the food this year, her stamina is not back to normal yet. So I say "yes" and "no problem" and "anything else I can do for you?" And then I put more on my plate, to put less on hers.

Who knows when she will be able to drive again. So after Thanksgiving, I will look forward to doing her Christmas shopping. I will do all of this with a smile on my face and a hug and kiss to her, while inside I will be stressing about all of my "to do" lists and my Christmas shopping. 

I do it out of love. I do it out of appreciation of all that she has done for me. I do it because I'm the only one that can. When I do it and feel stressed about it, I feel guilty.

=J

Have you found yourself in a similar situation?

Monday Vent - Please Make A Volunteer's Life Easier

I'm a volunteer. I do it because I think it is the right thing to do. I do it because so many things count on volunteers to get it done. No one makes me volunteer, but admittedly when asked, I have a hard time saying "no".

For the most part, I enjoy volunteering. But it'd be a lie if I said it's always wonderful. Here are a few reasons why, and if you see yourself as one of THESE people, please try not to be. I know you are not doing it on purpose, but please, before I burn out from frustration, I beg of you, STOP.

1. When writing a check: Please SIGN your check. Please also make sure it is written out to the right organization name, not close, not a guess, but the actual organization name. Oh, and please make sure you have added correctly and the check is written for the right amount.

2. When passing along information to me, please make sure it is accurate. I was 30 minutes late on Saturday because I read your e-mail and thought you knew what you were talking about. It was NOT a fun feeling. Apparently, I was the ONLY one who read your e-mail. I felt like an idiot.

3. When filling out a form, FILL IT OUT. If it asks for a size, include it. If it asks for a grade or teacher's name, include that too. Oh, and please DON"T ASK me what size I think you should get or leave a lengthy explanation on the form's margins of why you chose that size or if I think you should change it. Who knows your child's size better than you? Just pick one! 

4. If you say you are going to help. Please follow through. If you're not going to help, no biggie! It's worse for you to tell me you are going to help and then don't, then just telling me you're not going to help. If you tell me you're not helping, then I can account for it, I can work around it and I'm not surprised at the 11th hour that it's not done.

5. If you need me to do something for you, give me a chance to do it. "Tomorrow" is not a deadline I like to hear. If I have made it CLEAR that I need a 1 week notice for that task. PLEASE take it seriously!

6. Remember that I'm a VOLUNTEER. I am not paid to do any of this. I take time out of my busy schedule of work and home and kids and homework to do this. I am not sitting around waiting to do these things. I squeeze it between things, after the kids go to bed and before they wake up in the morning. You forgetting to complete a form or fill out your check properly means I have to contact you. Unfortunately, you aren't the only one who did that, so you are just one of MANY I have to contact. Then I have to contact again, when you don't follow through in helping me to rectify the situation. All of this just causes extra work for me and drains my time away from other things.

So in conclusion, thank you for the support of the many volunteer things that I am involved in. I do truly appreciate it. Just please, take the time to consider the volunteers the next time you participate.

=J

Do you get frustrated as a volunteer? I feel guilty for admitting I do, do you?

Monday Vent - Mother Guilt

Since having children, I am frequently plagued by guilt for making mistakes, bad judgement calls, being short-tempered, not preparing the most healthful food, etc.  All of this guilt is completely self-inflicted.  I get that and I am working on it. 

My newer experiences with mother guilt come straight from the mouths of my sweet cherubs.

Example #1 While at a park, my son wanted to try the monkey bars.  I told him no and said they were too high, but I walked over to help him.  As soon as he was hanging on the bars, he immediately said "help me down mommy, it's too high".  So, I helped him down and went to my other son who needed help on the swing.  I no sooner turned around and my son had gotten up on the monkey bars again. As I walked quickly toward him to help him, he fell and hurt his arm (it ended up being broken).  He immediately started crying saying "Mommy, where were you?  You should have been there to help me."

Example #2  My little one started kindergarten.  I went with him the first day, stood in the kindergarten line and went to the orientation for his classroom.  He seemed fine and comfortable since this is the same school his brother has gone to for the last two years.  I had just started my new job at a different school, so I was not there with him the next day in the line.  He became upset and cried until he got to his classroom.  When I got home he quickly told me that he cried in the line at school that day.  When I asked him why he cried, he said "Mommy, all the other boys had mommies with them holding their hands and you weren't there.  I missed you and I was scared."  I actually put my head down and cried.

Example #3 I am trying to go to the gym after dinner and before the boys go to bed so that I can put them to bed.  They were happily playing when I left.  When I returned home, my little one says, "Mommy I need to snuggle with you.  I didn't see you all day and then you went out and I didn't get to be with you."

My question is, how do they know exactly what to say that is going to hurt me the most because they are voicing the fears I have in my own heart? 

S-)

Probably every mom has moments like these. What is yours?

Bright Side Friday! Perspective

My Bright Side Friday has to do with perspective. It seems every Monday, it's SO easy for me to think of a Monday Vent. Friday's I tend to struggle to find my Bright Side. I guess it's probably true for most people, that they get overwhelmed with all of their own chaos, that they forget to appreciate all of their gifts.

Today is one of those days when I have been given the gift of perspective. I'm going to look past my chaos to appreciate my gifts. I just found out that a classmate, of one of my closest friend's kid, just died this week. He was playing The Choking Game. He was a good kid. He didn't mean to kill himself, but he did. PLEASE watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpugH4AJJFI (Also above) if you have never heard of it. Add it to your list when you have a conversation with your child about drugs and alcohol. I can't even imagine what that family is going through right now. In spite of that, they have posted on his obituary page, that Youtube link, in hopes of saving someone else's kid.

Which brings me to my Bright Side, if I can even call it that right now. Perspective. My kids are safe, healthy and alive. I know I should appreciate that daily, but it's news like this that makes me realize that I'm taking it for granted.

My niece lost her life at 13 months. That's is as close to the feeling of losing a child that I want to get. My husband's twin had severe medical problems since he was 9 years old and passed away at the age of 42. I pray that is as close as I'll ever be to having a child with medical issues. Just listen to the news, sadly, the list goes on.

Slow down and get a little perspective. Grab your kids, hug them tight, smother them in kisses even if they resist. Appreciate the moment. Smile and tell them that you love them. They already know it, but tell them again.

Sending you all a little perspective, love and hugs.

=J

Monday Vent - Candy for Lunch

It was a Sunday, and after church, I had a meeting to attend.  My husband was going to run to the hardware store and then take our boys out to lunch.  Sounded like a good plan to me.  I arrived home a few hours later to be pounced on by my boys who were "starving".  When I asked my husband what had happened, he explained that at the hardware store the boys saw some candy that they wanted.  So, he gave them the choice of getting candy or going out to lunch.  Guess which one they chose?  That would have been fine if he also gave them some REAL food also.  When I questioned him further he replied, "what do you want from me, they wanted the candy!"  This goes back to other blogs we have written when seemingly normal, intelligent, independently functioning men do really STUPID things and then wonder why we're irritated.

S-)

Now it's your turn. Can you relate?

Candy image borrowed from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Candy_in_Damascus.jpg

Bright Side Friday! A Little Peace

 

My Bright Side Friday has to do with having a little peace. As a busy mom, a little peace can make a huge difference.

After hiking in the U.P. a few weeks ago, my SIL and I pulled out the cooler with the food we had packed. Due to the bugs, and our exhaustion, we some how squashed the cooler between us in the front so we could dole out the food bug free and seated. Once we had the kids settled with their sandwiches, drinks and snacks, we finally both were able to grab our sandwiches. Almost in unison, we sighed as we ate the first bite. And then we laughed. There we both were grubby as can be from a hike, exhausted from corralling and cajoling children, each with less than a full seat to sit on, wedged between a full size cooler and the door, and we simultaneously enjoyed the peace. A moment when everyone was content, no one was in need of our assistance, and we were in one of the most beautiful places on earth. A moment of wonderful peace.

Now, if you have read my Monday Vent, you will know that the start of school has been anything but peaceful for me. However, things have started to fall into place, all of the Open Houses are over, there is no Friday night soccer game tonight (we play Saturday morning), and in the midst of all of this chaos, I have stumbled on a moment of peace. It is wonderful. Yes, I just heard my cell phone battery die, and I should be shutting down the equipment here at work, and left the office 11 minutes ago. However, just for a minute more, I'm going to enjoy a little peace.

Wishing you little peace too.

=J

What's your Bright Side? Have you been lucky enough to find peace?

Note: I have noticed a lot of traffic to this post for people looking for a peace sign image. It made me realize that I did not credit the site that I borrowed it from. My sincerest apologies to that site as they deserve full credit for the image. The peace sign was originally on: http://coloringpagesforkids.info/peace-sign-coloring-pages/

Monday Vent - School Started!

So, my girlfriend S-) wrote a Bright Side Friday post about school starting. Hopefully, you had a chance to read it. When I read it, I was reminded once again, that even though S-) and I are good friends, we are not the same. Perhaps that is partly why we are such good friends. But honestly, I could not share in her optimistic view of school starting. At the time of her post, I promised a Monday Vent with the opposing view. I think it speaks volumes that it took me another week to finally be able to write this.


When school starts at my house, chaos starts. It doesn't just mark the beginning of the school year, it marks the start of a million other things too. S-) is happy for the routine, while I'm frazzled by the additional places and things we are expected to be at or do at certain times.

- Sleep: I like staying up late. The kids and I slipped bedtime a bit later over the summer. Convincing my tweens that it is time to go to bed is super difficult, when they are not tired and I want to stay up and watch my late night shows. This becomes a bigger problem when it comes time to wake them up and I don't feel like waking up at 6:00 a.m. This past week, my internal clock has been waking me up a few minutes before my alarm, but I'm not happy about it. They have been better than me at jumping out of bed to get ready for the day.

- Packing lunches: I always have to feed my kids, but now I have to make sure that we have their packable lunch items. Do I have fresh fruit for today? Do I have fresh lunch meat for today? Did we run out of bread? Any non-school day, no big deal if we do or don't. On school days, I need to provide my kids with a decent lunch, that they'll eat AND will keep them energized for the school day. As I'm typing this, I am remembering that I need to buy apples for tomorrow... ugg!!!

- Soccer: I volunteer to coach soccer every year. This is obviously something that is optional for me, but I enjoy the sport and spending time with the kids. Problem? It starts the same week school starts. What's the rush? Oh yes, we play late into November! This becomes a 2-3 time/week responsibility. Thankfully, I'm co-coaching this year, so it's a bit more flexible.

- PTO: I am on the school PTO Board. Most of the year, I have very little to do. However, the first week of school is insanely busy. Again, another volunteer position that I could have just said "no" to, but I didn't. In another moment of weakness, I agreed to take over their e-mailings to the families of the district. Of course, a ton of those happen at the beginning of the year too.

- Homework: This ultimately should be my kids' responsibility, I am aware of that. Some how I still needed for setting up projects to be printed, purchasing supplies for projects, helping with the confusing questions, and reminding them (on weekends) to get their work done. Then I worry how they are doing, encourage them when they are worried about tests and quizzes, and become their cheerleader.

- Band: This also starts at the beginning of the school year. Of course, they both needed things for their instruments and I had to make a special trip to the only music store open late on a Sunday so they would have it. Back to "encouraging" them to practice and remembering to put their instruments at the front door and music in their backpacks. Again, it should be their responsibility, but I really don't feel like making the drive to school when they call and say "Mom! I need my instrument!" And I could, do the whole "natural consequences" thing, where if they forget it, they just don't have it that day. However, my kids get thrown so easily. Not being prepared for even something as simple as band, would mentally screw them up for their entire school day. Just not worth it in my book.

- Bus: Making the bus is something that my older son wants to do daily. The younger one would love it if I drove him to school everyday. I encourage making the bus. Mostly because, aside from it being a huge waste of gas, I'm usually still in flannel pants at that point. I have been there, where I thought, "who will see me?" Only to have to get out of the car with my uncombed hair, flannel pants and over sized t-shirt because my kid needed me to sign him in. Awesome. Just don't speak, or they'll know you didn't brush your teeth either.

So, there you have it. I am probably one of the few moms that don't look forward to school starting. I love being able to relax and have fun with my kids. I like letting them do their own thing or to up and do something cool just because we have time to do it. When school starts, all of that changes. I get the same sick feeling in my stomach that I did when I was a kid and the school year was starting.

When's our next day off?

p.s. The photo is from our fun, relaxing, no-schedule, trip this summer to the U.P. of Michigan. That's the stuff that summers are made of.

=J

Now it's your turn. What's your Bright Side? Is the start of school a Vent or a Bright Side at your house?

Monday Vent - Stupid Drivers

This past weekend, I was lucky enough to vacation in the U.P. of Michigan with my kids and sister-in-law and her kids. It was a great trip, but the double digit hours on the road, gave me plenty of contact with stupid drivers.  In my perfect world, there would be a point system with drivers. Drivers around you would be allowed to decide if you get points deducted or awarded. I'm sure it could all be done electronically. If you lose too many, you are no longer allowed to drive because even though the police haven't taken away your license, you are obviously a hazard on the road. You could earn points back by being a courteous driver. Sounds fair, I think. Until then, I just have to do it in my mind. Here are a few of my mental points deducted and awarded. (Please keep in mind, that most of the driving was on roads that had only 1 or 2 lanes of traffic in each directions.)

Points Deducted From:
1. Left Lane Slow Driver: The left lane is for PASSING people in the right lane. NOT the other way around. If you want to drive slower than the 50 cars behind you, get over to the right.

2. Left Lane Driver Driving the SAME speed as the right lane: Again, refer to #1. You are now succeeding in blocking BOTH lanes of traffic. In fact, I think you are WORSE than #1 because we can't even pass you on the right.

3. Drivers who Pass Me and then drive slower than I was in the first place: Seriously? Feel free to pass me, but if you are going to pass me, you'd better have a pace that's faster than mine.

4. Left Lane Slow Driver until I try to pass on the right: Really? NOW you speed up? And just enough to block me out so that I can't pass you? Jerk.

5. Clueless Drivers: This one has to do with the fact that my sister-in-law's car died on the top of an off-ramp in the left turn lane. The doors were open, the hood was up, the hazard lights were on, we were standing outside of the car, and drivers STILL pulled up behind us to wait to turn left! Even when we waved them over, they were confused. It took a State Police car with lights and orange cones to finally stop the stupidity.

Bonus Points Awarded to:
1. Drivers who passed in the left lane and then moved back to the right lane.

2. Left Lane Drivers who saw faster traffic approaching behind them and moved over to the right.

3. Drivers who passed me and continued to drive faster than me.

4. Good Drivers that didn't make me feel like running them off of the road.

=J

Now it's your turn to vent!

Monday Vent - Parenting Skills

Spending time with extended family who have questionable parenting skills is painful.  Watching the impact these poor skills are having on my beloved nieces and nephews is painfully frustrating. 

1.       When your child has a difficult time transitioning and you tell them it is time to leave, you need to leave.  You don’t just sit there for 35 minutes saying, “get your shoes, it’s time to go” while your child alternates between screaming “no” and ignoring you. 

2.       When your child, who is not potty trained although they are well past the appropriate age, refuses to have their diaper changed, that is not the time for bargaining, bribing, and cajoling.  That is the time for decisive action to complete the task with minimal fuss.  You do not necessarily need their permission.

3.       When your child hits their cousin, you should not say in a sickly sweet voice, “oh sweetie, don’t hit, that’s not nice”.  It’s called a time out.

4.       When your child says “no” to you,  that is not the time to get a “deer in the headlights” look on your face and back down.  You need to understand that you are the adult and that you need to teach your child.  You are not doing them any favors by letting them become spoiled rotten children who believe everyone should comply with their wishes.

5.       When 6 adults in a family have finally agreed on a restaurant, the complaints of a 12 year old should not change the decision, regardless of her pouting prowess.

6.       When a child refuses to eat anything but potato chips, the chips should be removed.

I have a lot more, but I think the vent is over for now.   To be continued…

S -)

Your turn! Can you relate? Share your vent. You'll feel better... really!

Monday Vent - Annoying Brother

It's Monday. It's late. This post is late. I'm tired. I'm finally ready to vent. Honestly, some days it is SO easy for me to vent, and other days, it is much more difficult. I usually like trying to look at the glass half full. If I start looking at the glass half empty, I tend to get stuck in a rut of viewing everything that way. I have been pretty up beat this past week, so this morning, nothing came to mind when I needed to write the post. However, much can happen in a day, and here I am at the end of the day, ready to vent.

This vent is not new for me, nor is it as rage filled as it has been on other days. In fact, I am a bit rational about it right now. I realize that, for the rest of my life, I will have to live with the fact that my brother will always say things in an incredibly condescending and insulting way and my mom will always defend him. I know they love me and have no idea how their actions affect me. If I thought that they were intentionally hurtful, my attitude would be very different. They just don't get it. I've tried bringing it to their attention. I really have. They just think I'm too sensitive, crabby, misunderstood them, etc. Some days it's more difficult for me to be rational. Thankfully, today I am able to just see it as it is. It is just the way it is. It will never change. Moving on.

Now it's your turn. Do you have a vent to share? Share it and move on.

=J

Monday (Vacation) Vent

We just returned from our vacation, camping with our two young boys.  If anyone asks me how it was, I will, of course, tell them it was a lot of fun.  I would be lying through my teeth.  The truth is, I have not had a relaxing, fun vacation yet as a mother.  I think vacations with young children and husbands are only actually fun in retrospect.  In the moment, I am dealing with trying to appease all of them at the same time, which is rarely possible.  The only thing my husband wanted to do was fish.  The only thing my boys wanted to do was go to the pool.  Not that anyone was interested, but the only thing I really wanted was some peace and quiet and to read a good book and go for long walks.  As it turned out, the boys and I were in the pool every day for a few hours, made arts and crafts, and played at a park.  My husband fished every day for most of the day.  I guess it was a successful trip since they are all happy about it.  Now I want to go take a trip with my girlfriends!!!


S-)

Monday Vent - Snarky Friends

 

It's Monday, and right now, I'm laughing because on Friday, my Bright Spot was about how great my friends are. Now it's Monday, and my vent is about how snarky my friends are. OK, so admittedly, MOST of my friends are great MOST of the time. However, every now and then the snarky side sneaks out. I honestly don't have time for snarky friends. Rather, I don't have time for my friends when they are snarky. I usually set them straight and move on, or give them an eye roll and walk away. I can count on an apology within 24 hours. Which, unless they were down right mean, is OK with me.  What really annoys me is the drama. I don't DO drama. Like me or hate me. Pick one.

Now it's your turn. Vent, scream, get it off of your chest, and move on!

=J

p.s. This is a photo from the 4th of July fireworks. We set up blankets way ahead of time to mark our space. Notice how ugly this one is? No one else would dare claim it! This is a photo of my niece enjoying the fireworks with me and my friends (snarky and otherwise).

Monday Vent-Bogey Man

It is Monday morning and I am exhausted and in need of uninterrupted sleep.  My husband had a momentary lapse of judgment and allowed our two young boys to watch a part of “The War of the Worlds” right before bedtime. Luckily for them, it was a part where there is a lot of screaming, running, and the aliens suck up people and dissolve their remains into liquid.  If you haven’t seen it, let me assure you it is quite horrifying.  Now, these two boys had nightmares when he had another lapse of judgment last summer and let them watch him playing a video game involving zombies chasing people through a forest.  Those nightmares lasted a few days and they still talk about it.   Although they are typically good little sleepers, they were sobbing and scared when I called them upstairs.  It became apparent that they would not go to their own beds so I allowed them to come into our bed, just to stop the crying.  My husband can sleep through anything, but, unfortunately, two little extra bodies kicking and rolling around kept waking me up, although I’m not actually sure I fell asleep.  I put them back in their own beds around midnight, but one returned by 2:00 a.m.  So, here we are at 5 in the morning and I have to get moving, yet all I want to do is go back to bed.  Thanks honey!!!

Now it's your turn! Come on, you know it will make you feel better!

S-)

Monday Vent

It's Monday and officially summer for my kids. I want to sleep in along with them, but I have to get up, let the dogs out and get ready for work, my usual routine. Ahh... to be a kid again. Back when we thought things were so unfair at times. Wish I had the perspective back then that I do now. I think I would have enjoyed being a child even more. However, sometimes being a child is rough. I know that. Today my vent has to do with my son.

My vent: On Sunday we had some people over. They each brought 2 daughters with them. My one son left to go on a trip, so that left my other son in a sea of 4 girls. Perhaps, if they were different ages, he would have felt like he was in heaven. Unfortunately, they are all just the right age to be moody, and my son had a terrible time. He didn't fit in. I tried to make him try to fit in, which just made him more miserable. The girls were giggling and whispering and had their own things going on. My son, trying to be a good host, for me, was feeling tortured. We offered to have him invite a buddy over, but he said it would be embarrassing. By the end of the evening, after everyone had left, my son finally broke down and let me know how terrible of a time he had. I felt really bad not realizing how tortured he was feeling and proud that he stuck it out and was such a gracious host to a gaggle of moody and silly girls.

Your turn!

=J

p.s. This is my son when he was waiting for his first airplane ride and was much less tortured by uncomfortable social situations.

Bright Side Friday!

It's Bright Side Friday and it only took me half of the day to post this! Oh well, better than the Monday Vent being posted at the end of the day. So it IS Friday, and the weekend is here. That should be good enough for anyone, but share your good news anyways!


Here is mine: It seems like work is picking up a bit! I am thankful for every little bit of it.

Now it's your turn, what's "floating your boat" today?

=J

p.s. This is a photo of my two sons. The little guy was less than a few weeks old. It makes me smile. They are my Bright Side every day. =)

Monday Vent

Photo Free Post!

Monday Vent is back! Funny how a holiday can mess up your schedule! I remembered in time for Friday, but FAR more people seem to want to vent than share happy news, so I figured I'd make it a whole week of missing posts. So today, finally got a chance to post, as I have had a migraine all morning, and NO that is NOT my vent.

Here is mine: My brother works for my dad (just them). My husband and I work together (just us). My dad has offered to take us all to Disney (which is of course VERY nice and generous). I have chosen to come back early so I can work while my brother has decided that he is going to stay 4 extra days. It is just another example of me working for every little thing and having a work ethic and my brother expecting what he gets plus more with no work ethic. The most frustrating part? My parents are enabling his behavior and expect MUCH more from me than him. I make ALL of my friends promise me, and now I'm asking you too, "If I EVER treat my kids SO differently OR enable one to be less self sufficient than he is capable of being, YELL AT ME!"

Now it's your turn!

p.s. I tried to post a photo but it locked up the site, so... I gave up!