I have always been a hard working person who doesn't like to let people down. I take on more than I should and I deliver on promises. I put a certain amount of pressure on myself to keep a certain standard.
And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.
My kids are good. They listen. They work hard. They don't expect hand outs. They save their money for things they want. They are well adjusted and well liked.
And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.
Grandparents on both sides have taken it upon themselves to comment how great my boys are. They acknowledge that my husband and I are good parents. They say how wonderful of a job we've done.
And some day, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.
I'm wondering WHY their cousins, on BOTH sides, are treated SO much differently than my kids are. Family that goes out of their way to say "everyone is being treated equally" are SO obviously NOT.
I have gotten used to being in that position. I'm the one who gets overlooked so that my "poor brother" can be helped. My husband grew up with a sick brother and a little sister and was overlooked as well.
We don't like it. We would also never ask for a handout like our siblings are just presented with. Every time I hear "poor them" I want to scream "what about us?" We are in the SAME boat! You MUST KNOW that! Is it because we are not whining and crying about it? Is it because we wipe up the crap and move on?
And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.
Today is one of those days.
My kids have come to accept that their cousins on my husband's side are lavished with gifts. Multiple game systems, toys, etc. seem to rain upon them. Christmas leaves my boys saying "Did you see how much STUFF they got?" It was overwhelming for the cousins to get through all of the unwrapping.
I have come to accept, but choose to keep it to myself that my kids' cousins on my side are treated a bit differently by my parents. Swim lessons are paid for, art lessons are paid for, and there are little shopping trips for the kids without mine. I tell myself "it is no big deal" and then quietly wish they would offer to pay for swim lessons so we could afford to have my kids to take them too.
And now today, the straw that started this post. My father, while having good intentions in his effort to make my nephew's life a little better, has overlooked my boys, AGAIN.
True, my brother is an idiot. True, my brother doesn't treat his kids the way we think he should. True, my nephew doesn't have many friends. True, that I have done all I can to make my nephew's life a bit better too.
Bottom line is this. I won't be able to hide the preferential treatment from my boys this time. Up until now, they thought that at least MY parents treated them equally.
I DON'T WANT my boys to feel all of the feelings I'm feeling! Hurt, angry, jealous, petty, disappointed, less important, confused and then back to the beginning of the list.
I know that someone will say "Well, life isn't fair and this is helping them grow into strong individuals." To that I say "Screw you!"
And now, are you left shaking your head wondering why?
Because, when I want to get completely cynical about this, I see it this way:
"If I'm an idiot that does stupid things, doesn't have my shit together, can't seem to get my kids dressed and out of the house, get overwhelmed by every little thing, cry and complain about how the world is treating me so terribly, act pathetically, don't listen, am not motivated, sponge off of parents as an adult, and don't raise my children well... THEN both me and my children will benefit. People will expect little or nothing from me. I will never be able to let anyone down. I will never have to worry about anyone else but myself. People will just hand me things without me having to work for it and I will learn to expect things to be that way always. I will be liberated from responsibility and clueless to the world of hard work and perseverance."
Would I want to trade places with either side of the family? No. But, at times, it sure doesn't feel good being here either.
Tonight, I will hug my boys a couple of extra times. Try to be the "bigger person" and explain to them what is going on. I know they will be able to handle it, I just don't want them to have to.
Perhaps we will shake our heads together.
=J
Showing posts with label monday venti. Show all posts
Showing posts with label monday venti. Show all posts
Monday, May 14, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Bright Side Friday - I Didn't Deliver My Baby In My Sleep
While reading through the posts on Twitter this morning, two things caught my attention.
First, was that it is Friday! I can't believe it's Friday. My week has felt like a series of Mondays.
Second, was a post by a friend, Mandy (@HasAPeanut)(http://precisiondecisions.blogspot.com/) who had a weird pregnant dream. Her post immediately brought to mind a weird pregnant dream I had over 13 years ago. Yes Mandy, sorry to say, but that traumatic dream you had will stick in your mind forever! lol
When I was pregnant, I had all sorts of weird pregnant dreams. A particularly vivid one was where I could see the baby through my stomach. But the one that I found most disturbing involved me delivering in my sleep.
In my dream, I woke up to not being pregnant anymore. My DH was doing his normal routine and acted as if it was normal that I just woke up after what had to have been several days. I asked about the baby and was given a very flippant answer of all being well, which confused me. How could I have slept through all of this??
Then the next surprise, even though we thought we were having a boy, we had a girl. A GIRL?????? We hadn't agreed on a single girl name. I asked my DH about her name and again, flippantly (I hate that), "Ya, well, I had to name her and you weren't awake, so I picked Elise Lilac." ELISE LILAC????? The name kept running through my head with a WHAT????? attached to it. As gently as possible I asked my DH if it was still possible to change her name after we discussed it a bit and he responded "Fine, but we are keeping Lilac. That's a family name." In my head I was not questioning whether or not Lilac was a family name, but instead thinking, "OK, I can put up with that as a middle name."
When I actually woke up, I was SO relieved that I was STILL pregnant!
Oh, and I delivered a boy, while awake.
=J
First, was that it is Friday! I can't believe it's Friday. My week has felt like a series of Mondays.
Second, was a post by a friend, Mandy (
When I was pregnant, I had all sorts of weird pregnant dreams. A particularly vivid one was where I could see the baby through my stomach. But the one that I found most disturbing involved me delivering in my sleep.
In my dream, I woke up to not being pregnant anymore. My DH was doing his normal routine and acted as if it was normal that I just woke up after what had to have been several days. I asked about the baby and was given a very flippant answer of all being well, which confused me. How could I have slept through all of this??
Then the next surprise, even though we thought we were having a boy, we had a girl. A GIRL?????? We hadn't agreed on a single girl name. I asked my DH about her name and again, flippantly (I hate that), "Ya, well, I had to name her and you weren't awake, so I picked Elise Lilac." ELISE LILAC????? The name kept running through my head with a WHAT????? attached to it. As gently as possible I asked my DH if it was still possible to change her name after we discussed it a bit and he responded "Fine, but we are keeping Lilac. That's a family name." In my head I was not questioning whether or not Lilac was a family name, but instead thinking, "OK, I can put up with that as a middle name."
When I actually woke up, I was SO relieved that I was STILL pregnant!
Oh, and I delivered a boy, while awake.
=J
Monday, November 28, 2011
Monday Vent - Swearing
*#@%&!
While growing up there were very strict rules about what we could and could not say. I remember being slapped for asking my mother what b-u-t-t spelled. That was a bad word. My mother would also tell us that swearing was for people who did not have the education or the creativity to effectively put their thoughts into words so they had to rely on the "shock factor" and use profanity. I admit, I agree with her. I rarely, if ever, swear, other than the occasional "dammit" when I am injured (e.g. at church, my son slammed the kneeler onto my foot and I swore very quietly under my breath). My husband typically does not swear in front of me during normal, everyday conversations. I appreciate the fact that he accommodates my feelings that way. We do have two young children, which, you would expect would further clean up his language. For the most part it has, unless he is playing a video game. While playing these STUPID and INANE games he swears so profusely that I have to shut whatever doors lie between him and me. Our sons call this game the "yelling game" because he screams at the top of his lungs. We have had so many discussions/arguments about his abuse of language within earshot of our children and me, that I am beside myself with frustration. My children have learned ALL the swear words there are straight from the mouth of their father. It's completely infuriating and disgusting to me.
S-)
Monday, November 21, 2011
Monday Vent - The Kitchen Sponge
Yes, today's vent REALLY IS about the kitchen sponge. Not so much about the kitchen sponge, as where I find it, REPEATEDLY.
For you to fully understand, I will have to share with you my disgust of kitchen sponges. Kitchen sponges, to me, are just playgrounds for germs and bacteria. They gross me out to no end. I use a brush to hand wash things or even a paper towel that then gets thrown away (I know. Not exactly green of me.)
My husband LOVES the kitchen sponge. He will use it on ANYTHING. He will wipe off the counter top and then go right to the cook top. I have seen him use it on dishes and the garbage can. (Hold on... I'm gagging...)
Once he is done using the kitchen sponge, he then throws it into the sink. No rinse. No wringing. No setting in on the edge of the sink so it can dry. Nope. It sits in the sink while cups are rinsed, hands are washed, and dog bowls are filled. That kitchen sponge sits in the bottom of the sink just waiting to be picked up again so a couple squirts of dish soap can be squirted on it andcontaminate wash the next thing. (dry heave)
I have tried to discourage the use of the kitchen sponge many times. I hid the kitchen sponge, and my husband found it. I didn't buy new ones, he bought replacements.
I then thought I would at least try to keep the sponge out of the sink. Repeatedly I pulled out the sponge, rinsed it, squeezed the extra water out of it and set it on edge to dry. Certainly if my husband finds the sponge this way enough times he will return it to that position, right? Nope. I thought that perhaps my husband, being the gadget guy that he his, just needed a place to put it and THAT'S why he always throws it in the sink. (Side note: there is a hidden ledge on the front side of our sink that he COULD put the sponge in already. In fact that's where I put the kitchen scrub brush, but I digress.) So, while out shopping, I found a double sided sponge holder. It looks like a saddle and hangs on the cross bar between our two sinks. PERFECT and EASY place to put the kitchen sponge. I point out to my husband the new purchase and promptly place the kitchen sponge in it.
Do I even NEED to tell you where I STILL find the kitchen sponge? This is one of those battles that I will never win. I refuse to fight with him about it, and as gross as I think it is, we have never gotten sick because of it (that I am aware of). Full disclosure: whenever I see plates or silverware that he washed drying on the counter, I put them in the dishwasher when he isn't looking.
This is one of those things that I know will not go away. I try to not focus on it. However, if one day, you see a news headline that reads "Woman Goes Crazy Mumbling About Her Kitchen Sponge" you will know it is me.
=J
Have a similar situation at your house?
For you to fully understand, I will have to share with you my disgust of kitchen sponges. Kitchen sponges, to me, are just playgrounds for germs and bacteria. They gross me out to no end. I use a brush to hand wash things or even a paper towel that then gets thrown away (I know. Not exactly green of me.)
My husband LOVES the kitchen sponge. He will use it on ANYTHING. He will wipe off the counter top and then go right to the cook top. I have seen him use it on dishes and the garbage can. (Hold on... I'm gagging...)
Once he is done using the kitchen sponge, he then throws it into the sink. No rinse. No wringing. No setting in on the edge of the sink so it can dry. Nope. It sits in the sink while cups are rinsed, hands are washed, and dog bowls are filled. That kitchen sponge sits in the bottom of the sink just waiting to be picked up again so a couple squirts of dish soap can be squirted on it and
I have tried to discourage the use of the kitchen sponge many times. I hid the kitchen sponge, and my husband found it. I didn't buy new ones, he bought replacements.
I then thought I would at least try to keep the sponge out of the sink. Repeatedly I pulled out the sponge, rinsed it, squeezed the extra water out of it and set it on edge to dry. Certainly if my husband finds the sponge this way enough times he will return it to that position, right? Nope. I thought that perhaps my husband, being the gadget guy that he his, just needed a place to put it and THAT'S why he always throws it in the sink. (Side note: there is a hidden ledge on the front side of our sink that he COULD put the sponge in already. In fact that's where I put the kitchen scrub brush, but I digress.) So, while out shopping, I found a double sided sponge holder. It looks like a saddle and hangs on the cross bar between our two sinks. PERFECT and EASY place to put the kitchen sponge. I point out to my husband the new purchase and promptly place the kitchen sponge in it.
Do I even NEED to tell you where I STILL find the kitchen sponge? This is one of those battles that I will never win. I refuse to fight with him about it, and as gross as I think it is, we have never gotten sick because of it (that I am aware of). Full disclosure: whenever I see plates or silverware that he washed drying on the counter, I put them in the dishwasher when he isn't looking.
This is one of those things that I know will not go away. I try to not focus on it. However, if one day, you see a news headline that reads "Woman Goes Crazy Mumbling About Her Kitchen Sponge" you will know it is me.
=J
Have a similar situation at your house?
Friday, October 7, 2011
Bright Side Friday! Small Victories
My Bright Side Friday has to do with small victories. My son has struggled with speech/language/reading/ phonological issues ever since I can remember. I am thankful that we live in a great school district that has been able to provide him services, because we never would have been able to afford all of the work they have done with him.
Even so, over the years, there has been SO much frustration on his part and in turn, on mine. He is a very smart boy with a road block. If I'd ask him the question, he could answer it right away. If I made him read the question, he couldn't even begin to figure out what is being asked. His teachers would say "He's a hard worker, but he's a slow worker". I finally realized it was because he spent most of his time trying to figure out what the words on the page were asking him to do.
This poor kid, who knows the answers, but gets them wrong because he doesn't understand the written question. Frustrating results time and time again. Spelling words made no sense to him. He memorized the letters as a picture or pattern. Sounding them out did him no good. He wasn't even capable of doing so. Every reading assignment a struggle. Every vocabulary lesson just torture. And now, that he is older, it has impacted ALL subjects. How can he describe facts about his Social Studies chapter, when there were so many new words in there, he was trying to figure it all out by context?
My heart wells up with pride for my son. This loving child with a hard head. Who could easily have given up long ago, yet for some reason doesn't. For all of the times he has felt defeated and frustrated, for all of the times homework has ended with one or both of us yelling or in tears, for all of the A+ papers his older brother has achieved with seemingly little effort, for all of the hours I have sat by his side and read his book to him so that it didn't take him hours to get through the chapter just to answer 4 questions on a work sheet, for all of the recesses and fun classes he has had to miss to get assistance, he never gave up.
And yesterday, as I sat at work, thinking about a million other worries, I got a call from one of his aides. My heart fluttered at the thoughts in my head. Would this be a call with good things or bad things? Is he struggling or worse yet, are they dropping him from the program? She was full of compliments about my son "kind, caring, loving, helpful, well liked" and compliments for me too on my part in how he has developed all of these wonderful traits. It made me feel good knowing that she REALLY cared about my son and his success. She then proudly told me that my son had exceeded his benchmarks for the time frame and she would only need to see him 2 times per week instead of 4. She felt confident that he had secured enough skills to build on moving forward.
In the past, I have had to be his advocate and fight for evaluations and services when I knew something was not right and he was slipping through the cracks. But this time, the news didn't hit me like a ton of bricks, it made me happy. Homework time has gotten SO much better. It is a little easier for him to understand. He has fewer questions and fewer melt downs. His road block is finally getting smaller and he can see over it now.
I am so thankful for small victories. What's yours?
=J
Even so, over the years, there has been SO much frustration on his part and in turn, on mine. He is a very smart boy with a road block. If I'd ask him the question, he could answer it right away. If I made him read the question, he couldn't even begin to figure out what is being asked. His teachers would say "He's a hard worker, but he's a slow worker". I finally realized it was because he spent most of his time trying to figure out what the words on the page were asking him to do.
This poor kid, who knows the answers, but gets them wrong because he doesn't understand the written question. Frustrating results time and time again. Spelling words made no sense to him. He memorized the letters as a picture or pattern. Sounding them out did him no good. He wasn't even capable of doing so. Every reading assignment a struggle. Every vocabulary lesson just torture. And now, that he is older, it has impacted ALL subjects. How can he describe facts about his Social Studies chapter, when there were so many new words in there, he was trying to figure it all out by context?
My heart wells up with pride for my son. This loving child with a hard head. Who could easily have given up long ago, yet for some reason doesn't. For all of the times he has felt defeated and frustrated, for all of the times homework has ended with one or both of us yelling or in tears, for all of the A+ papers his older brother has achieved with seemingly little effort, for all of the hours I have sat by his side and read his book to him so that it didn't take him hours to get through the chapter just to answer 4 questions on a work sheet, for all of the recesses and fun classes he has had to miss to get assistance, he never gave up.
And yesterday, as I sat at work, thinking about a million other worries, I got a call from one of his aides. My heart fluttered at the thoughts in my head. Would this be a call with good things or bad things? Is he struggling or worse yet, are they dropping him from the program? She was full of compliments about my son "kind, caring, loving, helpful, well liked" and compliments for me too on my part in how he has developed all of these wonderful traits. It made me feel good knowing that she REALLY cared about my son and his success. She then proudly told me that my son had exceeded his benchmarks for the time frame and she would only need to see him 2 times per week instead of 4. She felt confident that he had secured enough skills to build on moving forward.
In the past, I have had to be his advocate and fight for evaluations and services when I knew something was not right and he was slipping through the cracks. But this time, the news didn't hit me like a ton of bricks, it made me happy. Homework time has gotten SO much better. It is a little easier for him to understand. He has fewer questions and fewer melt downs. His road block is finally getting smaller and he can see over it now.
I am so thankful for small victories. What's yours?
=J
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Weird Word Wednesday - Abnormous
ABNORMOUS!
I LOVE the word abnormous. These are the reasons why:
- It's a REAL word, but spell check thinks it's not.
- It is the base word of abnormously.
- It's a perfectly good word, that no one uses.
- It means abnormal.
- It's fun to say!
- It sounds like a made up word, like ginormous.
ab·nor·mous
adj \(ˈ)ab¦nȯrməs, -ȯ(ə)m- also əbˈ-\Definition of ABNORMOUS
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/abnormous
Friday, September 30, 2011
Bright Side Friday! Opportunites and Hope
OPPORTUNITY
COMING THIS WAY!
Lately we have been noticing more and more new customers. When we ask how they found us, sometimes it's by accident - they were just passing by, and other times it's because one of our other clients recommended us. Now that's a feel good. It's not just that they HAVE to use us, there are competitors fairly close. They CHOOSE to come to us AND tell their friends to do the same! Awesome!
Having business pick up a little bit is a relief to us, but having the opportunity to gain clients is wonderful and renews our hope.
Just last night, a friend asked if I could design a logo for our local travel soccer team. I still need to get her a quote, and I'm not guaranteed the job yet, but it's another opportunity. It makes me happy that the opportunity was presented to me. If I get the job, will it make me rich? No. But it gives me hope that more opportunities will come our way.
What opportunities have come your way that were unexpected or made you feel good? Here is hope for you, that even more opportunities will come your way. Make the most of them.
=J
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Weird Word Wednesday - retroussé
retroussé
Today's weird word is retroussé. It is a word used specifically for the upturn of a person's nose. You know, like the famous Bob Hope slope? Umm... you never heard of Bob Hope? Great. I'm used to kids making me feel old by not knowing things, like what a rotary phone is, but now even adults are even making me feel old. Oh well.
Here is some more information I found about a turned up nose:
" Turned Up Nose
Also called a celestial nose, a turned up nose runs in a smooth line right from the eyes to the tip of the nose. The fall line of the nose ends in a slightly peaked tip with a delicate outward curve, though it is not pointed."
Just for taking the time to classify the types of noses, I'd like to thank: http://www.lifestylekarma.com/2011/09/12/types-of-noses/
The SUN did a whole article on what the shape of your nose says about you. The article can be found here: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/2875607/What-your-nose-shape-says-about-you.html This is what they say about a turned up nose.
"Turned-up
FAMOUS EXAMPLE: Marilyn Monroe
Cute ... Marilyn Monroe's turned-up nose
They usually have nurturing personalities and like to provide love and support for their friends and family.
People with this nose type often have an endless enthusiasm for new things and experiences.
Often a sign of the sexually adventurous but at the same time a person with a turned-up nose usually takes well to marriage."
OK, well I'm not sure that I would want to read that much into the nose shape of a potential future spouse, but hey, who am I to judge?
My computer added this information to the definition: "(of a person's nose) turned up at the tip, esp. in an attractive way."
Here is the Merriam-Webster definition.
re·trous·sé
adj\rə-ˌtrü-ˈsā, rə-ˈtrü-ˌ, ˌre-tru̇-ˈ\
Definition of RETROUSSÉ
: turned up <retroussé nose>
Origin of RETROUSSÉ
French, from past participle of retrousser to tuck up, from Middle French, from re- + trousser to truss, tuck up — more at truss
First Known Use: 1837
So next time you see someone with a turned up nose, you'll think "I know there's a name for that... some famous guy I never heard of had one, oh ya, and Marilyn Monroe did too... can't for the life of me remember the word for it though. Gotta go Google Venti With the Girls and look that up!"
=J
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