I have always been a hard working person who doesn't like to let people down. I take on more than I should and I deliver on promises. I put a certain amount of pressure on myself to keep a certain standard.
And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.
My kids are good. They listen. They work hard. They don't expect hand outs. They save their money for things they want. They are well adjusted and well liked.
And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.
Grandparents on both sides have taken it upon themselves to comment how great my boys are. They acknowledge that my husband and I are good parents. They say how wonderful of a job we've done.
And some day, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.
I'm wondering WHY their cousins, on BOTH sides, are treated SO much differently than my kids are. Family that goes out of their way to say "everyone is being treated equally" are SO obviously NOT.
I have gotten used to being in that position. I'm the one who gets overlooked so that my "poor brother" can be helped. My husband grew up with a sick brother and a little sister and was overlooked as well.
We don't like it. We would also never ask for a handout like our siblings are just presented with. Every time I hear "poor them" I want to scream "what about us?" We are in the SAME boat! You MUST KNOW that! Is it because we are not whining and crying about it? Is it because we wipe up the crap and move on?
And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.
Today is one of those days.
My kids have come to accept that their cousins on my husband's side are lavished with gifts. Multiple game systems, toys, etc. seem to rain upon them. Christmas leaves my boys saying "Did you see how much STUFF they got?" It was overwhelming for the cousins to get through all of the unwrapping.
I have come to accept, but choose to keep it to myself that my kids' cousins on my side are treated a bit differently by my parents. Swim lessons are paid for, art lessons are paid for, and there are little shopping trips for the kids without mine. I tell myself "it is no big deal" and then quietly wish they would offer to pay for swim lessons so we could afford to have my kids to take them too.
And now today, the straw that started this post. My father, while having good intentions in his effort to make my nephew's life a little better, has overlooked my boys, AGAIN.
True, my brother is an idiot. True, my brother doesn't treat his kids the way we think he should. True, my nephew doesn't have many friends. True, that I have done all I can to make my nephew's life a bit better too.
Bottom line is this. I won't be able to hide the preferential treatment from my boys this time. Up until now, they thought that at least MY parents treated them equally.
I DON'T WANT my boys to feel all of the feelings I'm feeling! Hurt, angry, jealous, petty, disappointed, less important, confused and then back to the beginning of the list.
I know that someone will say "Well, life isn't fair and this is helping them grow into strong individuals." To that I say "Screw you!"
And now, are you left shaking your head wondering why?
Because, when I want to get completely cynical about this, I see it this way:
"If I'm an idiot that does stupid things, doesn't have my shit together, can't seem to get my kids dressed and out of the house, get overwhelmed by every little thing, cry and complain about how the world is treating me so terribly, act pathetically, don't listen, am not motivated, sponge off of parents as an adult, and don't raise my children well... THEN both me and my children will benefit. People will expect little or nothing from me. I will never be able to let anyone down. I will never have to worry about anyone else but myself. People will just hand me things without me having to work for it and I will learn to expect things to be that way always. I will be liberated from responsibility and clueless to the world of hard work and perseverance."
Would I want to trade places with either side of the family? No. But, at times, it sure doesn't feel good being here either.
Tonight, I will hug my boys a couple of extra times. Try to be the "bigger person" and explain to them what is going on. I know they will be able to handle it, I just don't want them to have to.
Perhaps we will shake our heads together.
=J
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Monday, May 14, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Monday Vent - A Mother's Quandary
To Pee or Not To Pee... Right THERE!
Picture this: it's the middle of the night and I was asleep. A light went on in the hallway and it took me a moment to get up and investigate. I walk into the light, and there is my 5 year old, with his pants down, urinating on a step-stool in the corner.
I know that he is sleep-walking (or sleep-peeing in this moment). I am stuck in a quandary. I have three choices: Do I pick him up to move him to the bathroom which is literally three feet away from where he is standing? Do I attempt to wake him up so he stops peeing and then get him into the bathroom? Or, do I just let him finish his business and keep the mess confined to one area. No matter what, I have a mess to clean up.
If I move him, he will spray over a larger area of wall and carpet. If I wake him up, he is likely to begin crying uncontrollably and be scared/disoriented which has happened before. If I let him finish, I am fighting against my instinct to stop this child from treating the carpet/stepstool/wall as if it were a urinal. And the choice was.................
I let him finish. I then cleaned him up and put him into dry pajamas and led him back to bed. He never woke up. I started the clean up and then realized I never had him wash his hands. Technically, he didn't "use" the bathroom, so, other than pulling his pants down, his hands weren't actually dirty...right?
I sure hope no one's keeping score on my skills as a mother!!!
S-)
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Weird Word Wednesday - Pule
PULE
Having children provides one with multiple opportunities to describe whining. This is a new one for me that I will definitely use! S-)
Definition of PULE
Examples of PULE
- <a distressed baby puling in its crib>
Origin of PULE
probably imitative
First Known Use: 1534
Related to PULE
Monday, September 26, 2011
Monday Vent - Mother Guilt
Since having children, I am frequently plagued by guilt for making mistakes, bad judgement calls, being short-tempered, not preparing the most healthful food, etc. All of this guilt is completely self-inflicted. I get that and I am working on it.
My newer experiences with mother guilt come straight from the mouths of my sweet cherubs.
Example #1 While at a park, my son wanted to try the monkey bars. I told him no and said they were too high, but I walked over to help him. As soon as he was hanging on the bars, he immediately said "help me down mommy, it's too high". So, I helped him down and went to my other son who needed help on the swing. I no sooner turned around and my son had gotten up on the monkey bars again. As I walked quickly toward him to help him, he fell and hurt his arm (it ended up being broken). He immediately started crying saying "Mommy, where were you? You should have been there to help me."
Example #2 My little one started kindergarten. I went with him the first day, stood in the kindergarten line and went to the orientation for his classroom. He seemed fine and comfortable since this is the same school his brother has gone to for the last two years. I had just started my new job at a different school, so I was not there with him the next day in the line. He became upset and cried until he got to his classroom. When I got home he quickly told me that he cried in the line at school that day. When I asked him why he cried, he said "Mommy, all the other boys had mommies with them holding their hands and you weren't there. I missed you and I was scared." I actually put my head down and cried.
Example #3 I am trying to go to the gym after dinner and before the boys go to bed so that I can put them to bed. They were happily playing when I left. When I returned home, my little one says, "Mommy I need to snuggle with you. I didn't see you all day and then you went out and I didn't get to be with you."
My question is, how do they know exactly what to say that is going to hurt me the most because they are voicing the fears I have in my own heart?
S-)
Probably every mom has moments like these. What is yours?
My newer experiences with mother guilt come straight from the mouths of my sweet cherubs.
Example #1 While at a park, my son wanted to try the monkey bars. I told him no and said they were too high, but I walked over to help him. As soon as he was hanging on the bars, he immediately said "help me down mommy, it's too high". So, I helped him down and went to my other son who needed help on the swing. I no sooner turned around and my son had gotten up on the monkey bars again. As I walked quickly toward him to help him, he fell and hurt his arm (it ended up being broken). He immediately started crying saying "Mommy, where were you? You should have been there to help me."
Example #2 My little one started kindergarten. I went with him the first day, stood in the kindergarten line and went to the orientation for his classroom. He seemed fine and comfortable since this is the same school his brother has gone to for the last two years. I had just started my new job at a different school, so I was not there with him the next day in the line. He became upset and cried until he got to his classroom. When I got home he quickly told me that he cried in the line at school that day. When I asked him why he cried, he said "Mommy, all the other boys had mommies with them holding their hands and you weren't there. I missed you and I was scared." I actually put my head down and cried.
Example #3 I am trying to go to the gym after dinner and before the boys go to bed so that I can put them to bed. They were happily playing when I left. When I returned home, my little one says, "Mommy I need to snuggle with you. I didn't see you all day and then you went out and I didn't get to be with you."
My question is, how do they know exactly what to say that is going to hurt me the most because they are voicing the fears I have in my own heart?
S-)
Probably every mom has moments like these. What is yours?
Friday, September 23, 2011
Bright Side Friday! My Network of Support
My Bright Side Friday this week is about my network of support. I am surrounded by so many people that are willing to help me out if I need them to. Looking at others around me, I see that I am really lucky to be in this position.
This morning, I contacted a PTO friend about my volunteer position on PTO. Not only did she offer to do something for me that I NEVER would have asked anyone to do, she followed through with it and went above and beyond to make things better for me! I couldn't believe it.
This evening, I was supposed to coach a soccer game, most likely in the rain. But, my co-coach stepped up and told me that I didn't need to go, he would coach for me. Yes, my son is injured and wouldn't be playing in the game, but still! Someone actually took something OFF of my plate instead of adding something. Of course, that time slot was quickly filled, but that's besides the point.
My schedule is crazy and I can always be available to get my kids to here or there. Yet there always seems to be a friend that offers to pick up or drop my kids off when I need it.
I'd like to think it is a mutual network of support and I hope they do too. I do try to reciprocate whenever possible. A friend once offered to help and I told her that I wouldn't be able to reciprocate in that particular situation. She told me "Don't worry about it. I had to be there anyways. Besides, you've done plenty of other things for me." That made me feel really good. Finding friends that don't keep score and you can count on because they can count on you... now that's perfect. Not sure how we would navigate without this network. The quote "it takes a village" sure rings true for me.
Hope you have a network too. It might be just a person or two, a family member, a sitter, or a whole bunch of friends. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it and offer help when you can. Some of my best friendships have blossomed from my network. Please share your stories of times you've helped out others or others have helped you.
=J
This morning, I contacted a PTO friend about my volunteer position on PTO. Not only did she offer to do something for me that I NEVER would have asked anyone to do, she followed through with it and went above and beyond to make things better for me! I couldn't believe it.
This evening, I was supposed to coach a soccer game, most likely in the rain. But, my co-coach stepped up and told me that I didn't need to go, he would coach for me. Yes, my son is injured and wouldn't be playing in the game, but still! Someone actually took something OFF of my plate instead of adding something. Of course, that time slot was quickly filled, but that's besides the point.
My schedule is crazy and I can always be available to get my kids to here or there. Yet there always seems to be a friend that offers to pick up or drop my kids off when I need it.
I'd like to think it is a mutual network of support and I hope they do too. I do try to reciprocate whenever possible. A friend once offered to help and I told her that I wouldn't be able to reciprocate in that particular situation. She told me "Don't worry about it. I had to be there anyways. Besides, you've done plenty of other things for me." That made me feel really good. Finding friends that don't keep score and you can count on because they can count on you... now that's perfect. Not sure how we would navigate without this network. The quote "it takes a village" sure rings true for me.
Hope you have a network too. It might be just a person or two, a family member, a sitter, or a whole bunch of friends. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it and offer help when you can. Some of my best friendships have blossomed from my network. Please share your stories of times you've helped out others or others have helped you.
=J
Friday, September 16, 2011
Bright Side Friday! Perspective
My Bright Side Friday has to do with perspective. It seems every Monday, it's SO easy for me to think of a Monday Vent. Friday's I tend to struggle to find my Bright Side. I guess it's probably true for most people, that they get overwhelmed with all of their own chaos, that they forget to appreciate all of their gifts.
Today is one of those days when I have been given the gift of perspective. I'm going to look past my chaos to appreciate my gifts. I just found out that a classmate, of one of my closest friend's kid, just died this week. He was playing The Choking Game. He was a good kid. He didn't mean to kill himself, but he did. PLEASE watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpugH4AJJFI (Also above) if you have never heard of it. Add it to your list when you have a conversation with your child about drugs and alcohol. I can't even imagine what that family is going through right now. In spite of that, they have posted on his obituary page, that Youtube link, in hopes of saving someone else's kid.
Which brings me to my Bright Side, if I can even call it that right now. Perspective. My kids are safe, healthy and alive. I know I should appreciate that daily, but it's news like this that makes me realize that I'm taking it for granted.
My niece lost her life at 13 months. That's is as close to the feeling of losing a child that I want to get. My husband's twin had severe medical problems since he was 9 years old and passed away at the age of 42. I pray that is as close as I'll ever be to having a child with medical issues. Just listen to the news, sadly, the list goes on.
Slow down and get a little perspective. Grab your kids, hug them tight, smother them in kisses even if they resist. Appreciate the moment. Smile and tell them that you love them. They already know it, but tell them again.
Sending you all a little perspective, love and hugs.
=J
Monday, August 1, 2011
Monday Vent - Parenting Skills
Spending time with extended family who have questionable parenting skills is painful. Watching the impact these poor skills are having on my beloved nieces and nephews is painfully frustrating.
1. When your child has a difficult time transitioning and you tell them it is time to leave, you need to leave. You don’t just sit there for 35 minutes saying, “get your shoes, it’s time to go” while your child alternates between screaming “no” and ignoring you.
2. When your child, who is not potty trained although they are well past the appropriate age, refuses to have their diaper changed, that is not the time for bargaining, bribing, and cajoling. That is the time for decisive action to complete the task with minimal fuss. You do not necessarily need their permission.
3. When your child hits their cousin, you should not say in a sickly sweet voice, “oh sweetie, don’t hit, that’s not nice”. It’s called a time out.
4. When your child says “no” to you, that is not the time to get a “deer in the headlights” look on your face and back down. You need to understand that you are the adult and that you need to teach your child. You are not doing them any favors by letting them become spoiled rotten children who believe everyone should comply with their wishes.
5. When 6 adults in a family have finally agreed on a restaurant, the complaints of a 12 year old should not change the decision, regardless of her pouting prowess.
6. When a child refuses to eat anything but potato chips, the chips should be removed.
I have a lot more, but I think the vent is over for now. To be continued…
S -)
Your turn! Can you relate? Share your vent. You'll feel better... really!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Monday (Vacation) Vent
We just returned from our vacation, camping with our two young boys. If anyone asks me how it was, I will, of course, tell them it was a lot of fun. I would be lying through my teeth. The truth is, I have not had a relaxing, fun vacation yet as a mother. I think vacations with young children and husbands are only actually fun in retrospect. In the moment, I am dealing with trying to appease all of them at the same time, which is rarely possible. The only thing my husband wanted to do was fish. The only thing my boys wanted to do was go to the pool. Not that anyone was interested, but the only thing I really wanted was some peace and quiet and to read a good book and go for long walks. As it turned out, the boys and I were in the pool every day for a few hours, made arts and crafts, and played at a park. My husband fished every day for most of the day. I guess it was a successful trip since they are all happy about it. Now I want to go take a trip with my girlfriends!!!
S-)
Friday, July 8, 2011
Bright Side Friday!
It's Friday, and we have managed to not post anything since last Friday... oops! Things have been a bit crazy to say the least. The 4th of July weekend was wonderful and fun, but it seems like it has taken all week to recover and catch up from it.
I will be honest and let you know that I am having a difficult time coming up with my Bright Side today. It's not that I'm not thankful for all of the things I have, like a roof over my head and a loving family. I just like to find a Bright Side that is something other than that, otherwise that is ALL you will hear from me every week! =) Some days it's easier for me to come up with SEVERAL Monday Vents. This is one of them.
So, after much thought, here is my Bright Side:
Reflecting on the 4th of July weekend, I am glad that we live in such a great community of wonderful people that have become our friends. Everywhere we went, we ran into people that we knew AND liked (lol)! The kids all had fun and so did the adults.
Now it's your turn! Share your Bright Side!
=J
p.s. This photo is from our 4th. If you look over to the left the the fireworks, you can see the crescent moon. I don't ever remember seeing the moon in our fireworks before. It turned really orange that night!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Monday Vent-Bogey Man
It is Monday morning and I am exhausted and in need of uninterrupted sleep. My husband had a momentary lapse of judgment and allowed our two young boys to watch a part of “The War of the Worlds” right before bedtime. Luckily for them, it was a part where there is a lot of screaming, running, and the aliens suck up people and dissolve their remains into liquid. If you haven’t seen it, let me assure you it is quite horrifying. Now, these two boys had nightmares when he had another lapse of judgment last summer and let them watch him playing a video game involving zombies chasing people through a forest. Those nightmares lasted a few days and they still talk about it. Although they are typically good little sleepers, they were sobbing and scared when I called them upstairs. It became apparent that they would not go to their own beds so I allowed them to come into our bed, just to stop the crying. My husband can sleep through anything, but, unfortunately, two little extra bodies kicking and rolling around kept waking me up, although I’m not actually sure I fell asleep. I put them back in their own beds around midnight, but one returned by 2:00 a.m. So, here we are at 5 in the morning and I have to get moving, yet all I want to do is go back to bed. Thanks honey!!!
Now it's your turn! Come on, you know it will make you feel better!
S-)
Now it's your turn! Come on, you know it will make you feel better!
S-)
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Mommy, why do chains and whips excite her?
“Sticks and stones can break my bones, but chains and whips excite me” That’s what I get for giving contemporary music a listen with my 5 & 7 year old. I typically listen to Christian music. I know that may sound dorky, but I really like it and it is good music. It is also refreshing to have the radio on and not have to be concerned about what my child will hear. “Mommy, why do chains and whips excite her?” “I think because they’re shiny, hey, look at that airplane!!” What happened to the dance music of the 80s and 90s that you could belt out without offending anyone? Yes, I know my mother raised her eyebrows at Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”. Oh, wait a minute, that doesn’t exactly support my case. Well, fine, I guess it has always been a bad influence on young minds. My line is apparently drawn at S&M and I must be getting old and crabby. On second thought, it did have a nice beat to it.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
My Lame Father's Day Effort
Over the years, I have complained too many times about the time that my husband bought me flowers for Mother's Day, at the grocery store, near the gym, on his way home from working out. Or the time, that I got flowers, from the same place with the comment "I would have been able to get you a gift, but we did that family thing yesterday." (Insert eye roll here.) So yes, my husband hasn't really blown me away in the Mother's Day arena, but over the years, I have come to accept that, that is just him. It doesn't mean I'm not appreciated. It doesn't mean I'm not loved. He does plenty every day to let me know those things. Also, after being married as long as we have, we have both mellowed a bit, become more accepting of each other and far less critical.
This year, for Mother's Day, I told my husband "Don't get me anything." I meant it. He found time to shop and bought me a pair of capri pants and a cool t-shirt. It was sweet and unnecessary, AND the wrong sizes (admittedly, I have put on a few pounds). Luckily, he still knew where the receipt was and I was able to exchange the shirt and ultimately return the capris.
Which brings me to this Father's Day. My husband told me "Don't get me anything." He meant it. I was OK with it too. I picked out a funny card for him from the kids and checked Father's Day off my list. Until Saturday night, when my kids were getting into bed, and with panicked looks on their faces asked "What did we get Dad for Father's Day?" When I told them "nothing" they replied with "We HAVE to give him SOMETHING!" Uggg... kick me in the gut. Bad, bad, unthoughtful mom. I asked them for ideas, and of course they had none. Now my brain kicks into overdrive. "Are the kids little enough to make some cute little craft and have him be overwhelmed with it?" No, at this point, Dad will know I forced 2 sleepy kids to do a crappy art project when they are capable of creating something beautiful if given enough time. Then, I remembered that my husband was planning on working out early in the morning. I should be able to go pick up something when the stores open and get back home before him. As it turned out, he slept in. I tip-toed out of the house and started driving looking for anything open besides a Walgreen's (which BTW is where I purchased his "Perfect Push-Up Equipment: As Seen On TV" the day before Father's Day last year). I ended up finding him 2 pairs of work-out shorts. OK, truthfully, I purchased 4 pair, 2 in 1 size and 2 in a larger size because I wasn't really sure what size he wore. So, we are even on the wrong size thing. To cover up for my last minute shopping, I also picked up McDonald's breakfast for everyone on the way home. We threw Dad's on a breakfast tray and carried it upstairs to him. Distracted by breakfast, I quickly threw the shorts (guessed right with the smaller size) in a gift bag with some tissue and "ta-daa!" the perfect Father's Day morning. As he opened the package, he said "I thought I wasn't supposed to get anything." Then he immediately put on a pair.
Come lunch time, my husband automatically made lunch for us all, like he always does. And at dinner, when I offered to make something (meaning = order pizza), he only wanted leftovers from lunch. I spoiled him a bit more and reheated it for him (lol).
What I took from today is that:
I have no room to complain about lack of effort on my husband's part.
I have thoughtful kids.
My husband and I have a good thing going.
=J
This year, for Mother's Day, I told my husband "Don't get me anything." I meant it. He found time to shop and bought me a pair of capri pants and a cool t-shirt. It was sweet and unnecessary, AND the wrong sizes (admittedly, I have put on a few pounds). Luckily, he still knew where the receipt was and I was able to exchange the shirt and ultimately return the capris.
Which brings me to this Father's Day. My husband told me "Don't get me anything." He meant it. I was OK with it too. I picked out a funny card for him from the kids and checked Father's Day off my list. Until Saturday night, when my kids were getting into bed, and with panicked looks on their faces asked "What did we get Dad for Father's Day?" When I told them "nothing" they replied with "We HAVE to give him SOMETHING!" Uggg... kick me in the gut. Bad, bad, unthoughtful mom. I asked them for ideas, and of course they had none. Now my brain kicks into overdrive. "Are the kids little enough to make some cute little craft and have him be overwhelmed with it?" No, at this point, Dad will know I forced 2 sleepy kids to do a crappy art project when they are capable of creating something beautiful if given enough time. Then, I remembered that my husband was planning on working out early in the morning. I should be able to go pick up something when the stores open and get back home before him. As it turned out, he slept in. I tip-toed out of the house and started driving looking for anything open besides a Walgreen's (which BTW is where I purchased his "Perfect Push-Up Equipment: As Seen On TV" the day before Father's Day last year). I ended up finding him 2 pairs of work-out shorts. OK, truthfully, I purchased 4 pair, 2 in 1 size and 2 in a larger size because I wasn't really sure what size he wore. So, we are even on the wrong size thing. To cover up for my last minute shopping, I also picked up McDonald's breakfast for everyone on the way home. We threw Dad's on a breakfast tray and carried it upstairs to him. Distracted by breakfast, I quickly threw the shorts (guessed right with the smaller size) in a gift bag with some tissue and "ta-daa!" the perfect Father's Day morning. As he opened the package, he said "I thought I wasn't supposed to get anything." Then he immediately put on a pair.
Come lunch time, my husband automatically made lunch for us all, like he always does. And at dinner, when I offered to make something (meaning = order pizza), he only wanted leftovers from lunch. I spoiled him a bit more and reheated it for him (lol).
What I took from today is that:
I have no room to complain about lack of effort on my husband's part.
I have thoughtful kids.
My husband and I have a good thing going.
=J
Monday, June 13, 2011
Monday Vent
It's Monday and officially summer for my kids. I want to sleep in along with them, but I have to get up, let the dogs out and get ready for work, my usual routine. Ahh... to be a kid again. Back when we thought things were so unfair at times. Wish I had the perspective back then that I do now. I think I would have enjoyed being a child even more. However, sometimes being a child is rough. I know that. Today my vent has to do with my son.
My vent: On Sunday we had some people over. They each brought 2 daughters with them. My one son left to go on a trip, so that left my other son in a sea of 4 girls. Perhaps, if they were different ages, he would have felt like he was in heaven. Unfortunately, they are all just the right age to be moody, and my son had a terrible time. He didn't fit in. I tried to make him try to fit in, which just made him more miserable. The girls were giggling and whispering and had their own things going on. My son, trying to be a good host, for me, was feeling tortured. We offered to have him invite a buddy over, but he said it would be embarrassing. By the end of the evening, after everyone had left, my son finally broke down and let me know how terrible of a time he had. I felt really bad not realizing how tortured he was feeling and proud that he stuck it out and was such a gracious host to a gaggle of moody and silly girls.
Your turn!
=J
p.s. This is my son when he was waiting for his first airplane ride and was much less tortured by uncomfortable social situations.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Bright Side Friday!
Well, I'm laughing right now because I looked at the stats and MANY more people read and responded to the Monday Vent blog than the Bright Side Friday blog. Is it because people are being modest? OR is it just human nature to not truly appreciate the Bright Side of life and be too focused on the things you want to vent? I know that sometimes I feel like I have WAY more complaints than good, but that is exactly what this Bright Side Friday is for. To make us stop and really look at things, and acknowledge that Bright Side of our lives that we should be thankful for.
Here is mine: My parents have volunteered to take my kids to Disney World this summer.
(My husband and I are also invited as well as my brother, his wife and their kids. - Keep that in mind for my Monday Vent!) lol
Now it's your turn!
=J
p.s. This is a photo of my kids the last time my parents took all of us to Disney.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
30 Thoughts by My Kids' Mom
2. I tell my kids I love them every morning as they leave the house to get on the school bus.
3. I watch my kids go out to the corner and keep watching until they get on the school bus.
4. My younger child and I wave to each other as the bus pulls away. We don't stop waving until I am out of view.
5. I give my kids a kiss and tell them that I love them every night before I go to bed, even if they are already asleep.
6. My kids appreciate the value of money.
7. My kids don't ever ask me to buy something for them. But every now and then, I do anyways.
8. I love my husband, but if I had to choose between him and my kids, I would choose my kids.
9. I love my dogs, but if I had to choose between them and my husband, I would choose my husband. I like to tease him that I'm undecided on that one.
10. Deep down, I believe that if someone did unspeakable things to someone I love, I would be capable of doing unspeakable things to that person. I hope I'm never put in that situation.
11. It makes me angry when people lie about me or accuse me of things that I didn't do and even more so when they do it to my kids.
12. I try to teach my kids to be nice, but strong enough to not be taken advantage of.
13. I hope my kids are never bullied, but they are so nice, I have a sinking feeling that it will happen.
14. I am thankful that I do not have to home school my kids. My kids and I would be a mess if I had to. I am also thankful that we are in a wonderful school district that teaches my kids great things.
15. I love when my kids tell me things that they learned at school, just because they are excited about learning it, not because I asked.
16. I don't over schedule my kids. If they don't want to do baseball, kickball, and soccer simultaneously, that is fine with me and I won't try and make them do it just because others are.
17. I don't send my kids away to camp over the summer. They don't want to go, and I don't want to send them.
18. I trust my kids more than I trust other kids.
19. I don't like when people send their younger kids over to “play” with my older kids “because, they love your kids and look up to them.” What about what my kids want to do? You don't give me the option of saying “no” each time. As nice as my kids are, they don't really want to “babysit” your kids, again.
20. I don't like when people invite the younger sibling to join the older one who was going to play with my kid because the younger one “doesn't want to miss out, and it's not fair.” Umm... what about what you are doing to the older one and my kid? They can't have a play date without a little brother? Is that fair?
21. I tend to be an advocate for all kids in unfair situations.
22. When my kids ask me to sleep in their homemade fort with them, I always say “yes” because I know one day, they will stop asking. I enjoy every sleepless minute.
23. Meal time is meal time. Not come and get it when you feel like it time.
24. I have expected my kids to clear their plates from the table since they were old enough to do so.
25. I have always expected my kids to stay at the table with everyone else, even if they were done eating.
26. My kids are not allowed to get out of their seat in a restaurant. It makes me crazy when other kids do that.
27. I have always encouraged my kids to do things as soon as they were able. I can't stand when other people expect too little from their kids and say things like “Oh, well he's only 'X' years old”.
28. I know that I am a better person than I would be if I didn't have kids. It is important to me that they learn from my example. Sometimes, I catch myself doing what I should instead of what I really want to, just because my kids are there.
29. I don't expect my kids to be perfect, but I do expect them to try their best.
30. I'm thankful for my life with my wonderful kids. I can't imagine it any other way.
=J
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Proud Mom
As a mom, I try to do my best at that role for my kids. I give them tools to make good decisions, knowing that I won't always be there to tell them what to do. I give them hugs and tell them that I love them, knowing that I won't always be there to make them feel loved when others try to make them feel unlovable. I give them encouragement and support, knowing that I won't always be there to give them confidence when they are in a challenging situation. I give them guidelines for life, because I know that I won't always be there to make them follow the rules when others tempt them not to.
My heart feels happy when I think of my kids. They are kind, smart, hardworking, courteous, loving, and more. As much as I know this, it is really nice when others notice it too. Good behavior is almost never recognized, and I love when someone other than “mom” reinforces how important it is to be a good person. The other day we were invited to a ceremony honoring STAR kids at school. STAR stands for Students Taking Active Responsibility (Displaying traits of Respect, Responsibility, Fairness, Caring, Honesty, and Good Decision Making). Kids are nominated by teachers and only a handful of kids are selected each year. I was honored to have BOTH of my kids selected for the award! At the ceremony, the principal said something that really resonated with me. He said “You don't have to be the star of the sports team, you don't have to be the star of the play, but just by being you, you are a star every day.” I am proud of the job I've done so far as a mom, and I am proud of my stars.
=J
My heart feels happy when I think of my kids. They are kind, smart, hardworking, courteous, loving, and more. As much as I know this, it is really nice when others notice it too. Good behavior is almost never recognized, and I love when someone other than “mom” reinforces how important it is to be a good person. The other day we were invited to a ceremony honoring STAR kids at school. STAR stands for Students Taking Active Responsibility (Displaying traits of Respect, Responsibility, Fairness, Caring, Honesty, and Good Decision Making). Kids are nominated by teachers and only a handful of kids are selected each year. I was honored to have BOTH of my kids selected for the award! At the ceremony, the principal said something that really resonated with me. He said “You don't have to be the star of the sports team, you don't have to be the star of the play, but just by being you, you are a star every day.” I am proud of the job I've done so far as a mom, and I am proud of my stars.
=J
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Saturday With The Girls
While reading “OhThe Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss, he sagely explains that even though you’ll be surrounded by people, you’ll still be alone quite a lot. We are, after all, completely alone in our experience of this life. This feeling of isolation in our heads can exist even in the midst of families, BFFs of middle and high school, college roommates, marriage, and, of course, parenthood. All these lives and spirits are so physically close yet altogether separated.
On of the best things I have ever done that combatted this sense of “aloneness” was to commit to my friends on Saturday mornings. When we started this weekly get-together, we were almost tentative as we told our husbands. We even felt the need to justify this time by combining it with exercise (ie. walking, in-line skating). After a few weeks, my friend’s husband asked, with some trepidation, “Is this going to be every Saturday?” She responded an unequivocal “yes”. Neither one of us thought they would accept this. It was too luxurious, too selfish, too much of a special event to happen on a weekly basis. Yet, we risked their disagreement, and it has become a weekly ritual. We have continued meeting through new babies, soccer season, financial upheavals, moving, etc. What we’ve gained from these friendships is an understanding that we’re not alone. Spending time together and deepening our relationships have really opened up the floodgates of sharing all of our lives with each other. There is no topic that can’t be broached. There is no judgement, except when necessary to get us on the right track.
Some topics of conversation come up repeatedly. We need to number them to be able to refer to the details more efficiently. Frustrating in-laws, moody husbands, children’s behaviors, and financial management are the most commonly occurring. We often think that so many women are just putting on a happy face even though they are frustrated and at the end of their ropes. Not that we believe you should go through life complaining and negative, but that we, as women should be real and sincere with each other. We love our husbands, our children, and our families, but they drive us crazy. The support we receive from our friends will help us maintain our perspective and our priorities. Life is so short, we can lighten each other’s loads just by sharing our daily struggles. We can’t always offer solutions, but listening and being reassured that we are not the only ones going through a particular trial can help us to smile and continue moving forward. For this, we need to turn to our girlfriends.
S-)
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