Monday, September 26, 2011

Monday Vent - Mother Guilt

Since having children, I am frequently plagued by guilt for making mistakes, bad judgement calls, being short-tempered, not preparing the most healthful food, etc.  All of this guilt is completely self-inflicted.  I get that and I am working on it. 

My newer experiences with mother guilt come straight from the mouths of my sweet cherubs.

Example #1 While at a park, my son wanted to try the monkey bars.  I told him no and said they were too high, but I walked over to help him.  As soon as he was hanging on the bars, he immediately said "help me down mommy, it's too high".  So, I helped him down and went to my other son who needed help on the swing.  I no sooner turned around and my son had gotten up on the monkey bars again. As I walked quickly toward him to help him, he fell and hurt his arm (it ended up being broken).  He immediately started crying saying "Mommy, where were you?  You should have been there to help me."

Example #2  My little one started kindergarten.  I went with him the first day, stood in the kindergarten line and went to the orientation for his classroom.  He seemed fine and comfortable since this is the same school his brother has gone to for the last two years.  I had just started my new job at a different school, so I was not there with him the next day in the line.  He became upset and cried until he got to his classroom.  When I got home he quickly told me that he cried in the line at school that day.  When I asked him why he cried, he said "Mommy, all the other boys had mommies with them holding their hands and you weren't there.  I missed you and I was scared."  I actually put my head down and cried.

Example #3 I am trying to go to the gym after dinner and before the boys go to bed so that I can put them to bed.  They were happily playing when I left.  When I returned home, my little one says, "Mommy I need to snuggle with you.  I didn't see you all day and then you went out and I didn't get to be with you."

My question is, how do they know exactly what to say that is going to hurt me the most because they are voicing the fears I have in my own heart? 


Probably every mom has moments like these. What is yours?

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