Monday Vent - Families & Money

Last April, my mother and her husband asked me if I would be interested in buying their mini-van that they were planning to sell.  I immediately said "yes'.  Even though I have never wanted a mini-van, it has low mileage, all the bells and whistles, has been treated very well, and they said they would sell it to me for the trade-in value.  This is a great deal, and my husband and I agreed.  My mother said that I could pay her what I got for my car, and that she would extend me a 0% loan for the rest, with the agreement that I would pay it off as quickly as possible.  This sounded great and I told her how much I appreciated her generosity.  Our niece said that she would like to buy my current car from us.  This all seemed to be working out well.  That was six months ago.  I have periodically asked if they had found the new car they wanted to buy, but their lives have been rather busy, and they just haven't gotten around to it.  That's fine.  I don't owe anything on my current car and it's nice not having car payments.  My niece has also been asking when we might be selling, but has been patient also.  Now, my mother has told me that they are actually going to be selling both of their cars and that she will need six-thousand dollars from me to put the first payment on her new car, which she will then pay off within a couple months.  Oh, and she wants this within the next 2-3 weeks.  I don't know about any of you, but, we are only selling our car for $3500 and I don't have an extra $2500 laying around to pay out in a few weeks.  When I told her that I don't have that kind of money, she was unhappy and said that she didn't know what we should do because she thought I would get more for my car.  Of course, I had told her six months ago how much my car was worth,  Now, 6 months later, and five-thousand more miles on it, it's worth even less.  I'm just completely irritated!  I know that she has more than enough money to buy herself, her husband, and heck, everyone in the family a new car with cash along with a few houses thrown in for fun.  (She has shared her financial information with me because I will be the executor of her will if anything should happen to her).  But now, she wants to put pressure on me to take money out of my savings, of which I don't have very much, because she doesn't want to cash something else in.  If I had known six months ago, I would have made arrangements to set something aside.  I knew it sounded too good to be true.  I have never wanted to take money from her, not that she has offered.  She knows that we are responsible with money and that we have worked hard for everything that we have and have not received any financial help or handouts. I guess we will just have to continue on not getting any breaks, especially from family.  I know...I sound bitter.  I am glad that she is healthy and has no financial concerns.  I'm thankful that she is with us and spends time with us.  She's just quirky about money, which is probably one of the reasons she has so much.
S-)

Monday Vent - Shaking My Head

I have always been a hard working person who doesn't like to let people down. I take on more than I should and I deliver on promises. I put a certain amount of pressure on myself to keep a certain standard.

And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.

My kids are good. They listen. They work hard. They don't expect hand outs. They save their money for things they want. They are well adjusted and well liked.

And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.

Grandparents on both sides have taken it upon themselves to comment how great my boys are. They acknowledge that my husband and I are good parents. They say how wonderful of a job we've done.

And some day, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.

I'm wondering WHY their cousins, on BOTH sides, are treated SO much differently than my kids are. Family that goes out of their way to say "everyone is being treated equally" are SO obviously NOT.

I have gotten used to being in that position. I'm the one who gets overlooked so that my "poor brother" can be helped. My husband grew up with a sick brother and a little sister and was overlooked as well.

We don't like it. We would also never ask for a handout like our siblings are just presented with. Every time I hear "poor them" I want to scream "what about us?" We are in the SAME boat! You MUST KNOW that! Is it because we are not whining and crying about it? Is it because we wipe up the crap and move on?

And some days, I'm left shaking my head wondering why.

Today is one of those days.

My kids have come to accept that their cousins on my husband's side are lavished with gifts. Multiple game systems, toys, etc. seem to rain upon them. Christmas leaves my boys saying "Did you see how much STUFF they got?" It was overwhelming for the cousins to get through all of the unwrapping.

I have come to accept, but choose to keep it to myself that my kids' cousins on my side are treated a bit differently by my parents. Swim lessons are paid for, art lessons are paid for, and there are little shopping trips for the kids without mine. I tell myself "it is no big deal" and then quietly wish they would offer to pay for swim lessons so we could afford to have my kids to take them too.

And now today, the straw that started this post. My father, while having good intentions in his effort to make my nephew's life a little better, has overlooked my boys, AGAIN.

True, my brother is an idiot. True, my brother doesn't treat his kids the way we think he should. True, my nephew doesn't have many friends. True, that I have done all I can to make my nephew's life a bit better too.

Bottom line is this. I won't be able to hide the preferential treatment from my boys this time. Up until now, they thought that at least MY parents treated them equally.

I DON'T WANT my boys to feel all of the feelings I'm feeling! Hurt, angry, jealous, petty, disappointed, less important, confused and then back to the beginning of the list.

I know that someone will say "Well, life isn't fair and this is helping them grow into strong individuals." To that I say "Screw you!"

And now, are you left shaking your head wondering why?

Because, when I want to get completely cynical about this, I see it this way:

"If I'm an idiot that does stupid things, doesn't have my shit together, can't seem to get my kids dressed and out of the house, get overwhelmed by every little thing, cry and complain about how the world is treating me so terribly, act pathetically, don't listen, am not motivated, sponge off of parents as an adult, and don't raise my children well... THEN both me and my children will benefit. People will expect little or nothing from me. I will never be able to let anyone down. I will never have to worry about anyone else but myself. People will just hand me things without me having to work for it and I will learn to expect things to be that way always. I will be liberated from responsibility and clueless to the world of hard work and perseverance."

Would I want to trade places with either side of the family? No. But, at times, it sure doesn't feel good being here either.

Tonight, I will hug my boys a couple of extra times. Try to be the "bigger person" and explain to them what is going on. I know they will be able to handle it, I just don't want them to have to.

Perhaps we will shake our heads together.

=J

Bright Side Friday - I Didn't Deliver My Baby In My Sleep

While reading through the posts on Twitter this morning, two things caught my attention.

First, was that it is Friday! I can't believe it's Friday. My week has felt like a series of Mondays.

Second, was a post by a friend, Mandy (@HasAPeanut)(http://precisiondecisions.blogspot.com/) who had a weird pregnant dream. Her post immediately brought to mind a weird pregnant dream I had over 13 years ago. Yes Mandy, sorry to say, but that traumatic dream you had will stick in your mind forever! lol

When I was pregnant, I had all sorts of weird pregnant dreams. A particularly vivid one was where I could see the baby through my stomach. But the one that I found most disturbing involved me delivering in my sleep.

In my dream, I woke up to not being pregnant anymore. My DH was doing his normal routine and acted as if it was normal that I just woke up after what had to have been several days. I asked about the baby and was given a very flippant answer of all being well, which confused me. How could I have slept through all of this??

Then the next surprise, even though we thought we were having a boy, we had a girl. A GIRL?????? We hadn't agreed on a single girl name. I asked my DH about her name and again, flippantly (I hate that), "Ya, well, I had to name her and you weren't awake, so I picked Elise Lilac." ELISE LILAC????? The name kept running through my head with a WHAT????? attached to it. As gently as possible I asked my DH if it was still possible to change her name after we discussed it a bit and he responded "Fine, but we are keeping Lilac. That's a family name." In my head I was not questioning whether or not Lilac was a family name, but instead thinking, "OK, I can put up with that as a middle name."

When I actually woke up, I was SO relieved that I was STILL pregnant!

Oh, and I delivered a boy, while awake.

=J

Monday Vent - A Mother's Quandary

To Pee or Not To Pee... Right THERE!

Picture this:  it's the middle of the night and I was asleep.  A light went on in the hallway and it took me a moment to get up and investigate.  I walk into the light, and there is my 5 year old, with his pants down, urinating on a step-stool in the corner. 

I know that he is sleep-walking (or sleep-peeing in this moment).  I am stuck in a quandary. I have three choices: Do I pick him up to move him to the bathroom which is literally three feet away from where he is standing?  Do I attempt to wake him up so he stops peeing and then get him into the bathroom?  Or, do I just let him finish his business and keep the mess confined to one area.  No matter what, I have a mess to clean up. 

If I move him, he will spray over a larger area of wall and carpet.  If I wake him up, he is likely to begin crying uncontrollably and be scared/disoriented which has happened before.  If I let him finish, I am fighting against my instinct to stop this child from treating the carpet/stepstool/wall as if it were a urinal.  And the choice was................. 

I let him finish.  I then cleaned him up and put him into dry pajamas and led him back to bed.  He never woke up.  I started the clean up and then realized I never had him wash his hands.  Technically, he didn't "use" the bathroom, so, other than pulling his pants down, his hands weren't actually dirty...right? 

I sure hope no one's keeping score on my skills as a mother!!!

S-)

Monday Vent - Self Absorbed Sibling

Before I get into my first vent of the year, I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year! Hope 2012 brings you great things.

Now for my vent...

My mother's birthday is on January 1st. EVERY year, my mom invites us all over for a wonderful and "holiday" worthy meal to celebrate the New Year and her birthday. Just as it is with Thanksgiving or Christmas, I make sure that my kids and I are over at her house early to help set the tables, prepare food and clean up messes as they are made.

My brother and his family show up in time to eat.

Now, before I get too catty, they do contribute. Their contribution is mixing the rolls at their house. Then they show up at my mom's house to cook them. Honestly, with the crap conversations that come out of their mouths, they are also giving us a break both auditorily and mentally by showing up late.

This year my mom called over to their house at noon to see if they were making the rolls, and she woke them up! My SIL response was "We were up late". NO KIDDING? New Year's Eve was last night and you were up late? We ALL WERE UP LATE YOU DIPSH*T! Even MOM, whose birthday is TODAY was up late, and you can't think beyond yourself enough to get your ARSE OUT OF BED to come help prepare the meal or set the table!?! I mean, I know it meant nothing to you that she had hip replacement surgery 2 weeks before Thanksgiving this year, because you didn't show up early to help, and Christmas was the same story, but not even on HER BIRTHDAY???

They showed up at 2:00. The exact time my mom normally serves the fancier meals. Help was offered by both my brother and SIL when they walked in. They each did that 1 thing and then disappeared. That's when my mom and I started pouring wine into our coffee cups.

As the night went on, I would just randomly give jobs to the two of them even if there was no reason why I couldn't do it. It made me feel a bit better, or maybe it was just the wine.

I can't understand how people can be so clueless and self absorbed. I don't think they are trying to be malicious, but how can anyone be so ignorant?

Hope none of you have people like that in your lives. If you do, please share your story and possible tips to deal with them. I know there is no changing them!

Monday Vent - Swearing

*#@%&!

While growing up there were very strict rules about what we could and could not say.  I remember being slapped for asking my mother what b-u-t-t spelled.  That was a bad word.  My mother would also tell us that swearing was for people who did not have the education or the creativity to effectively put their thoughts into words so they had to rely on the "shock factor" and use profanity.  I admit, I agree with her.  I rarely, if ever, swear, other than the occasional "dammit" when I am injured (e.g. at church, my son slammed the kneeler onto my foot and I swore very quietly under my breath).  My husband typically does not swear in front of me during normal, everyday conversations.  I appreciate the fact that he accommodates my feelings that way.  We do have two young children, which, you would expect would further clean up his language.  For the most part it has, unless he is playing a video game.  While playing these STUPID and INANE games he swears so profusely that I have to shut whatever doors lie between him and me.  Our sons call this game the "yelling game" because he screams at the top of his lungs. We have had so many discussions/arguments about his abuse of language within earshot of our children and me, that I am beside myself with frustration.  My children have learned ALL the swear words there are straight from the mouth of their father.  It's completely infuriating and disgusting to me.

S-)

Monday Vent - The Kitchen Sponge

Yes, today's vent REALLY IS about the kitchen sponge. Not so much about the kitchen sponge, as where I find it, REPEATEDLY.

 For you to fully understand, I will have to share with you my disgust of kitchen sponges. Kitchen sponges, to me, are just playgrounds for germs and bacteria. They gross me out to no end. I use a brush to hand wash things or even a paper towel that then gets thrown away (I know. Not exactly green of me.)

My husband LOVES the kitchen sponge. He will use it on ANYTHING. He will wipe off the counter top and then go right to the cook top. I have seen him use it on dishes and the garbage can. (Hold on... I'm gagging...)

Once he is done using the kitchen sponge, he then throws it into the sink. No rinse. No wringing. No setting in on the edge of the sink so it can dry. Nope. It sits in the sink while cups are rinsed, hands are washed, and dog bowls are filled. That kitchen sponge sits in the bottom of the sink just waiting to be picked up again so a couple squirts of dish soap can be squirted on it and contaminate wash the next thing. (dry heave)

I have tried to discourage the use of the kitchen sponge many times. I hid the kitchen sponge, and my husband found it. I didn't buy new ones, he bought replacements.

I then thought I would at least try to keep the sponge out of the sink. Repeatedly I pulled out the sponge, rinsed it, squeezed the extra water out of it and set it on edge to dry. Certainly if my husband finds the sponge this way enough times he will return it to that position, right? Nope. I thought that perhaps my husband, being the gadget guy that he his, just needed a place to put it and THAT'S why he always throws it in the sink. (Side note: there is a hidden ledge on the front side of our sink that he COULD put the sponge in already. In fact that's where I put the kitchen scrub brush, but I digress.) So, while out shopping, I found a double sided sponge holder. It looks like a saddle and hangs on the cross bar between our two sinks. PERFECT and EASY place to put the kitchen sponge. I point out to my husband the new purchase and promptly place the kitchen sponge in it.

Do I even NEED to tell you where I STILL find the kitchen sponge? This is one of those battles that I will never win. I refuse to fight with him about it, and as gross as I think it is, we have never gotten sick because of it (that I am aware of). Full disclosure: whenever I see plates or silverware that he washed drying on the counter, I put them in the dishwasher when he isn't looking.

This is one of those things that I know will not go away. I try to not focus on it. However, if one day, you see a news headline that reads "Woman Goes Crazy Mumbling About Her Kitchen Sponge" you will know it is me.

=J

Have a similar situation at your house?

Weird Word Wednesday - Pulchritude

PULCHRITUDE

This Wednesday's Weird Word is PULCHRITUDE. Credit goes to Cecily K at http://www.uppercasewoman.com and twitter @Cecilyk for giving us the idea and permission to use it.

On Tuesday, Cecily had tweeted:

"Trying to make a word trend: pulchritude. Yep, PULCHRITUDE. It means beautiful. Really." 

So here is our little part in helping to make her wish come true! =) Though in all honesty, Cecily could do just about anything all by herself. We are just happy she is our twitter friend. Oh, and the highlight color is also a nod to Cecily and her wonderfully fun hair. (Am I starting to sound like a stalker now?)

Pulchritude means (beautiful or) physical comeliness. Now I have to look up the word comeliness... or maybe I'll just save it for next Wednesday.

pul·chri·tude

noun \ˈpəl-krə-ˌtüd, -ˌtyüd\

Definition of PULCHRITUDE

: physical comeliness

— pul·chri·tu·di·nous adjective

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pulchritude 

Monday Vent - The Pressure of Helping

The holidays are fast approaching and I am starting to realize how unprepared I am. I am thinking about how I can gear up and knock out all of my "to do" list. The problem? I also have my mom's "to do" list. She went in for  replacement hip surgery 1 1/2 weeks ago. She is recovering beautifully, but... she still needs a ton of help. I don't mind doing it, really I don't. I love my mom and I know that I'm the only one that can do some of these things the way she wants them done. My brother makes her crazy with his own agenda and arguing with her about what she needs or doesn't need. JUST DO IT! She wants fabric deodorizer in the wash with her towels? THEN JUST DO IT! Nope. Not him. He argues with her that it doesn't need it and moves on.

I don't ask my dad, because my mom and dad are directly connected by emotional well being. If my dad thinks my mom is doing well, then he's happy. If my mom thinks my dad is happy, then she's happy. Keeping my dad out of it makes everything to him seem like it's going easier for my mom. Doing things for my mom, keeps my mom mentally happy and hence my dad too.

So I know, I could say "no" to her. But I just can't. I know that I will be purchasing all of her Thanksgiving Day food for her and getting it into her house. I will probably prepare of bunch of it too. I know, I SHOULD anyways. Why should she do the bulk of the work year after year? Even if she is able bodied enough to prepare the food this year, her stamina is not back to normal yet. So I say "yes" and "no problem" and "anything else I can do for you?" And then I put more on my plate, to put less on hers.

Who knows when she will be able to drive again. So after Thanksgiving, I will look forward to doing her Christmas shopping. I will do all of this with a smile on my face and a hug and kiss to her, while inside I will be stressing about all of my "to do" lists and my Christmas shopping. 

I do it out of love. I do it out of appreciation of all that she has done for me. I do it because I'm the only one that can. When I do it and feel stressed about it, I feel guilty.

=J

Have you found yourself in a similar situation?

Monday Vent - Relatives

I have a number of years experience in special education and have worked with hundreds of different kids with a multitude of issues.  There is a lot I don't know, but I have an educated and experienced point of view.  With that being said, I would not tell someone that I think their child has issues, even if it is obvious to me, unless they specifically asked my opinion, and even then I would be extremely cautious with what I said.  This becomes more challenging when it is the child of a close relative.

I babysat for this relative who has a 3 & 5 year old.  I have been concerned about the developmental skills of the 5 year old since he was 18 months old and have kindly and lovingly expressed my concerns on a number of occasions.  This was not received well at all.  I, therefore, have not said anything for over one year.  Now, however, the goofy dad starts telling me how he's concerned about the 3 year old because she is giving him a hard time with everything (ie. typical three-year-old testing & pushing limits).  He doesn't understand because the older child was so "easy to deal with".  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!  The older child threw tantrums any time he was in a new situation.  He threw tantrums when we sang happy birthday at parties because it was too loud.  He refuses to use the toilet anywhere but at his house.  He only eats 5 foods.  This is the easy-going child???  How can a parent be so blinded and in such denial!!!  How can some people's view of reality be so cockamamie?

S-)

Sound familiar? Tell us your frustrating relatives story.

Monday Vent - Please Make A Volunteer's Life Easier

I'm a volunteer. I do it because I think it is the right thing to do. I do it because so many things count on volunteers to get it done. No one makes me volunteer, but admittedly when asked, I have a hard time saying "no".

For the most part, I enjoy volunteering. But it'd be a lie if I said it's always wonderful. Here are a few reasons why, and if you see yourself as one of THESE people, please try not to be. I know you are not doing it on purpose, but please, before I burn out from frustration, I beg of you, STOP.

1. When writing a check: Please SIGN your check. Please also make sure it is written out to the right organization name, not close, not a guess, but the actual organization name. Oh, and please make sure you have added correctly and the check is written for the right amount.

2. When passing along information to me, please make sure it is accurate. I was 30 minutes late on Saturday because I read your e-mail and thought you knew what you were talking about. It was NOT a fun feeling. Apparently, I was the ONLY one who read your e-mail. I felt like an idiot.

3. When filling out a form, FILL IT OUT. If it asks for a size, include it. If it asks for a grade or teacher's name, include that too. Oh, and please DON"T ASK me what size I think you should get or leave a lengthy explanation on the form's margins of why you chose that size or if I think you should change it. Who knows your child's size better than you? Just pick one! 

4. If you say you are going to help. Please follow through. If you're not going to help, no biggie! It's worse for you to tell me you are going to help and then don't, then just telling me you're not going to help. If you tell me you're not helping, then I can account for it, I can work around it and I'm not surprised at the 11th hour that it's not done.

5. If you need me to do something for you, give me a chance to do it. "Tomorrow" is not a deadline I like to hear. If I have made it CLEAR that I need a 1 week notice for that task. PLEASE take it seriously!

6. Remember that I'm a VOLUNTEER. I am not paid to do any of this. I take time out of my busy schedule of work and home and kids and homework to do this. I am not sitting around waiting to do these things. I squeeze it between things, after the kids go to bed and before they wake up in the morning. You forgetting to complete a form or fill out your check properly means I have to contact you. Unfortunately, you aren't the only one who did that, so you are just one of MANY I have to contact. Then I have to contact again, when you don't follow through in helping me to rectify the situation. All of this just causes extra work for me and drains my time away from other things.

So in conclusion, thank you for the support of the many volunteer things that I am involved in. I do truly appreciate it. Just please, take the time to consider the volunteers the next time you participate.

=J

Do you get frustrated as a volunteer? I feel guilty for admitting I do, do you?

Bright Side Friday! Small Victories

My Bright Side Friday has to do with small victories. My son has struggled with speech/language/reading/ phonological issues ever since I can remember. I am thankful that we live in a great school district that has been able to provide him services, because we never would have been able to afford all of the work they have done with him.

Even so, over the years, there has been SO much frustration on his part and in turn, on mine. He is a very smart boy with a road block.  If I'd ask him the question, he could answer it right away. If I made him read the question, he couldn't even begin to figure out what is being asked. His teachers would say "He's a hard worker, but he's a slow worker". I finally realized it was because he spent most of his time trying to figure out what the words on the page were asking him to do.

This poor kid, who knows the answers, but gets them wrong because he doesn't understand the written question. Frustrating results time and time again. Spelling words made no sense to him. He memorized the letters as a picture or pattern. Sounding them out did him no good. He wasn't even capable of doing so. Every reading assignment a struggle. Every vocabulary lesson just torture. And now, that he is older, it has impacted ALL subjects. How can he describe facts about his Social Studies chapter, when there were so many new words in there, he was trying to figure it all out by context?

My heart wells up with pride for my son. This loving child with a hard head. Who could easily have given up long ago, yet for some reason doesn't. For all of the times he has felt defeated and frustrated, for all of the times homework has ended with one or both of us yelling or in tears, for all of the A+ papers his older brother has achieved with seemingly little effort, for all of the hours I have sat by his side and read his book to him so that it didn't take him hours to get through the chapter just to answer 4 questions on a work sheet, for all of the recesses and fun classes he has had to miss to get assistance, he never gave up.

And yesterday, as I sat at work, thinking about a million other worries, I got a call from one of his aides. My heart fluttered at the thoughts in my head. Would this be a call with good things or bad things? Is he struggling or worse yet, are they dropping him from the program? She was full of compliments about my son "kind, caring, loving, helpful, well liked" and compliments for me too on my part in how he has developed all of these wonderful traits. It made me feel good knowing that she REALLY cared about my son and his success. She then proudly told me that my son had exceeded his benchmarks for the time frame and she would only need to see him 2 times per week instead of 4. She felt confident that he had secured enough skills to build on moving forward.

In the past, I have had to be his advocate and fight for evaluations and services when I knew something was not right and he was slipping through the cracks. But this time, the news didn't hit me like a ton of bricks, it made me happy. Homework time has gotten SO much better. It is a little easier for him to understand. He has fewer questions and fewer melt downs. His road block is finally getting smaller and he can see over it now.

I am so thankful for small victories. What's yours?

=J

Weird Word Wednesday - Abnormous

ABNORMOUS!

I LOVE the word abnormous. These are the reasons why:

1. It's a REAL word, but spell check thinks it's not.
2. It is the base word of abnormously.
3. It's a perfectly good word, that no one uses.
4. It means abnormal.
5. It's fun to say!
6. It sounds like a made up word, like ginormous.

ab·nor·mous

adj \(ˈ)ab¦nȯrməs, -ȯ(ə)m- also əbˈ-\

Definition of ABNORMOUS

archaic

: abnormal, irregular

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/abnormous

Monday Vent - Mother Guilt

Since having children, I am frequently plagued by guilt for making mistakes, bad judgement calls, being short-tempered, not preparing the most healthful food, etc.  All of this guilt is completely self-inflicted.  I get that and I am working on it. 

My newer experiences with mother guilt come straight from the mouths of my sweet cherubs.

Example #1 While at a park, my son wanted to try the monkey bars.  I told him no and said they were too high, but I walked over to help him.  As soon as he was hanging on the bars, he immediately said "help me down mommy, it's too high".  So, I helped him down and went to my other son who needed help on the swing.  I no sooner turned around and my son had gotten up on the monkey bars again. As I walked quickly toward him to help him, he fell and hurt his arm (it ended up being broken).  He immediately started crying saying "Mommy, where were you?  You should have been there to help me."

Example #2  My little one started kindergarten.  I went with him the first day, stood in the kindergarten line and went to the orientation for his classroom.  He seemed fine and comfortable since this is the same school his brother has gone to for the last two years.  I had just started my new job at a different school, so I was not there with him the next day in the line.  He became upset and cried until he got to his classroom.  When I got home he quickly told me that he cried in the line at school that day.  When I asked him why he cried, he said "Mommy, all the other boys had mommies with them holding their hands and you weren't there.  I missed you and I was scared."  I actually put my head down and cried.

Example #3 I am trying to go to the gym after dinner and before the boys go to bed so that I can put them to bed.  They were happily playing when I left.  When I returned home, my little one says, "Mommy I need to snuggle with you.  I didn't see you all day and then you went out and I didn't get to be with you."

My question is, how do they know exactly what to say that is going to hurt me the most because they are voicing the fears I have in my own heart? 

S-)

Probably every mom has moments like these. What is yours?

Bright Side Friday! My Network of Support

My Bright Side Friday this week is about my network of support. I am surrounded by so many people that are willing to help me out if I need them to. Looking at others around me, I see that I am really lucky to be in this position.

This morning, I contacted a PTO friend about my volunteer position on PTO. Not only did she offer to do something for me that I NEVER would have asked anyone to do, she followed through with it and went above and beyond to make things better for me! I couldn't believe it.
 
This evening, I was supposed to coach a soccer game, most likely in the rain. But, my co-coach stepped up and told me that I didn't need to go, he would coach for me. Yes, my son is injured and wouldn't be playing in the game, but still! Someone actually took something OFF of my plate instead of adding something. Of course, that time slot was quickly filled, but that's besides the point.

My schedule is crazy and I can always be available to get my kids to here or there. Yet there always seems to be a friend that offers to pick up or drop my kids off when I need it.

I'd like to think it is a mutual network of support and I hope they do too. I do try to reciprocate whenever possible.   A friend once offered to help and I told her that I wouldn't be able to reciprocate in that particular situation. She told me "Don't worry about it. I had to be there anyways. Besides, you've done plenty of other things for me." That made me feel really good. Finding friends that don't keep score and you can count on because they can count on you... now that's perfect. Not sure how we would navigate without this network.  The quote "it takes a village" sure rings true for me.

Hope you have a network too. It might be just a person or two, a family member, a sitter, or a whole bunch of friends. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it and offer help when you can. Some of my best friendships have blossomed from my network. Please share your stories of times you've helped out others or others have helped you.

=J

Weird Word Wednesday - Aeolist

Aeolist

This weeks Weird Word Wednesday is Aeolist. The definition is a pompous person that pretends to have inspiration or spiritual insight. Doesn't sound like something I'd want to be called, but a few people that I know come to mind, when I think about that description.

 

While looking up information on Aeolist, I was amused to find a BUNCH of businesses and products that, for some reason decided to use the name for their business. Really? Didn't they look up the meaning of the word prior to choosing it? Assuming they are men, they do know that it has nothing to do with areolas, right?

 

There is a design firm as well as software, that has used Aeolist in their name.

 

*Legal Disclaimer: I am not trying to get into a legal battle with any of the above referenced businesses or product manufacturers. I am only shedding light on the definition of the word you chose to represent your company. Perhaps your marketing team was unaware of the definition when it came to picking names out of a hat. Or, after much debate and trying to convince your boss to choose a different name, at 2:00 in the morning you would agree to anything. Regardless, just trying to educate. One more free service I provide.

 

Noun

aeolist (plural aeolists)

1. (rare) A pompous person, pretending to have inspiration or spiritual insight.

 http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/aeolist

Bright Side Friday! Perspective

My Bright Side Friday has to do with perspective. It seems every Monday, it's SO easy for me to think of a Monday Vent. Friday's I tend to struggle to find my Bright Side. I guess it's probably true for most people, that they get overwhelmed with all of their own chaos, that they forget to appreciate all of their gifts.

Today is one of those days when I have been given the gift of perspective. I'm going to look past my chaos to appreciate my gifts. I just found out that a classmate, of one of my closest friend's kid, just died this week. He was playing The Choking Game. He was a good kid. He didn't mean to kill himself, but he did. PLEASE watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpugH4AJJFI (Also above) if you have never heard of it. Add it to your list when you have a conversation with your child about drugs and alcohol. I can't even imagine what that family is going through right now. In spite of that, they have posted on his obituary page, that Youtube link, in hopes of saving someone else's kid.

Which brings me to my Bright Side, if I can even call it that right now. Perspective. My kids are safe, healthy and alive. I know I should appreciate that daily, but it's news like this that makes me realize that I'm taking it for granted.

My niece lost her life at 13 months. That's is as close to the feeling of losing a child that I want to get. My husband's twin had severe medical problems since he was 9 years old and passed away at the age of 42. I pray that is as close as I'll ever be to having a child with medical issues. Just listen to the news, sadly, the list goes on.

Slow down and get a little perspective. Grab your kids, hug them tight, smother them in kisses even if they resist. Appreciate the moment. Smile and tell them that you love them. They already know it, but tell them again.

Sending you all a little perspective, love and hugs.

=J

Monday Vent - Candy for Lunch

It was a Sunday, and after church, I had a meeting to attend.  My husband was going to run to the hardware store and then take our boys out to lunch.  Sounded like a good plan to me.  I arrived home a few hours later to be pounced on by my boys who were "starving".  When I asked my husband what had happened, he explained that at the hardware store the boys saw some candy that they wanted.  So, he gave them the choice of getting candy or going out to lunch.  Guess which one they chose?  That would have been fine if he also gave them some REAL food also.  When I questioned him further he replied, "what do you want from me, they wanted the candy!"  This goes back to other blogs we have written when seemingly normal, intelligent, independently functioning men do really STUPID things and then wonder why we're irritated.

S-)

Now it's your turn. Can you relate?

Candy image borrowed from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Candy_in_Damascus.jpg

Bright Side Friday! A Little Peace

 

My Bright Side Friday has to do with having a little peace. As a busy mom, a little peace can make a huge difference.

After hiking in the U.P. a few weeks ago, my SIL and I pulled out the cooler with the food we had packed. Due to the bugs, and our exhaustion, we some how squashed the cooler between us in the front so we could dole out the food bug free and seated. Once we had the kids settled with their sandwiches, drinks and snacks, we finally both were able to grab our sandwiches. Almost in unison, we sighed as we ate the first bite. And then we laughed. There we both were grubby as can be from a hike, exhausted from corralling and cajoling children, each with less than a full seat to sit on, wedged between a full size cooler and the door, and we simultaneously enjoyed the peace. A moment when everyone was content, no one was in need of our assistance, and we were in one of the most beautiful places on earth. A moment of wonderful peace.

Now, if you have read my Monday Vent, you will know that the start of school has been anything but peaceful for me. However, things have started to fall into place, all of the Open Houses are over, there is no Friday night soccer game tonight (we play Saturday morning), and in the midst of all of this chaos, I have stumbled on a moment of peace. It is wonderful. Yes, I just heard my cell phone battery die, and I should be shutting down the equipment here at work, and left the office 11 minutes ago. However, just for a minute more, I'm going to enjoy a little peace.

Wishing you little peace too.

=J

What's your Bright Side? Have you been lucky enough to find peace?

Note: I have noticed a lot of traffic to this post for people looking for a peace sign image. It made me realize that I did not credit the site that I borrowed it from. My sincerest apologies to that site as they deserve full credit for the image. The peace sign was originally on: http://coloringpagesforkids.info/peace-sign-coloring-pages/

Monday Vent - School Started!

So, my girlfriend S-) wrote a Bright Side Friday post about school starting. Hopefully, you had a chance to read it. When I read it, I was reminded once again, that even though S-) and I are good friends, we are not the same. Perhaps that is partly why we are such good friends. But honestly, I could not share in her optimistic view of school starting. At the time of her post, I promised a Monday Vent with the opposing view. I think it speaks volumes that it took me another week to finally be able to write this.


When school starts at my house, chaos starts. It doesn't just mark the beginning of the school year, it marks the start of a million other things too. S-) is happy for the routine, while I'm frazzled by the additional places and things we are expected to be at or do at certain times.

- Sleep: I like staying up late. The kids and I slipped bedtime a bit later over the summer. Convincing my tweens that it is time to go to bed is super difficult, when they are not tired and I want to stay up and watch my late night shows. This becomes a bigger problem when it comes time to wake them up and I don't feel like waking up at 6:00 a.m. This past week, my internal clock has been waking me up a few minutes before my alarm, but I'm not happy about it. They have been better than me at jumping out of bed to get ready for the day.

- Packing lunches: I always have to feed my kids, but now I have to make sure that we have their packable lunch items. Do I have fresh fruit for today? Do I have fresh lunch meat for today? Did we run out of bread? Any non-school day, no big deal if we do or don't. On school days, I need to provide my kids with a decent lunch, that they'll eat AND will keep them energized for the school day. As I'm typing this, I am remembering that I need to buy apples for tomorrow... ugg!!!

- Soccer: I volunteer to coach soccer every year. This is obviously something that is optional for me, but I enjoy the sport and spending time with the kids. Problem? It starts the same week school starts. What's the rush? Oh yes, we play late into November! This becomes a 2-3 time/week responsibility. Thankfully, I'm co-coaching this year, so it's a bit more flexible.

- PTO: I am on the school PTO Board. Most of the year, I have very little to do. However, the first week of school is insanely busy. Again, another volunteer position that I could have just said "no" to, but I didn't. In another moment of weakness, I agreed to take over their e-mailings to the families of the district. Of course, a ton of those happen at the beginning of the year too.

- Homework: This ultimately should be my kids' responsibility, I am aware of that. Some how I still needed for setting up projects to be printed, purchasing supplies for projects, helping with the confusing questions, and reminding them (on weekends) to get their work done. Then I worry how they are doing, encourage them when they are worried about tests and quizzes, and become their cheerleader.

- Band: This also starts at the beginning of the school year. Of course, they both needed things for their instruments and I had to make a special trip to the only music store open late on a Sunday so they would have it. Back to "encouraging" them to practice and remembering to put their instruments at the front door and music in their backpacks. Again, it should be their responsibility, but I really don't feel like making the drive to school when they call and say "Mom! I need my instrument!" And I could, do the whole "natural consequences" thing, where if they forget it, they just don't have it that day. However, my kids get thrown so easily. Not being prepared for even something as simple as band, would mentally screw them up for their entire school day. Just not worth it in my book.

- Bus: Making the bus is something that my older son wants to do daily. The younger one would love it if I drove him to school everyday. I encourage making the bus. Mostly because, aside from it being a huge waste of gas, I'm usually still in flannel pants at that point. I have been there, where I thought, "who will see me?" Only to have to get out of the car with my uncombed hair, flannel pants and over sized t-shirt because my kid needed me to sign him in. Awesome. Just don't speak, or they'll know you didn't brush your teeth either.

So, there you have it. I am probably one of the few moms that don't look forward to school starting. I love being able to relax and have fun with my kids. I like letting them do their own thing or to up and do something cool just because we have time to do it. When school starts, all of that changes. I get the same sick feeling in my stomach that I did when I was a kid and the school year was starting.

When's our next day off?

p.s. The photo is from our fun, relaxing, no-schedule, trip this summer to the U.P. of Michigan. That's the stuff that summers are made of.

=J

Now it's your turn. What's your Bright Side? Is the start of school a Vent or a Bright Side at your house?